Denial and Deterioration
by Lazuli Quetzal
Summary: Kazuki wants to get strong. Ume wants to get laid. Noriko wants to go home. It's just pure, unfortunate luck that the person standing in their way is Hatake Kakashi. (A triple SI/OC story.)
1. NORIKO: Do or Do Not

**Disclaimer: Any characters or concepts you recognize belong to Kishimoto, not me.**

 **A/N: Listen, I _swear_ I'm still working on 'ain't no rest' but these characters and this idea have _literally_ been haunting my dreams. I had no choice; Kazuki was holding me hostage.**

 **ANyway. As with most of my ideas, this was a joke that I ended up taking way too seriously. So don't expect a thought-out plot, but _do_ expect my signature brand of ironic humor and idiot protagonists who refuse to step outside of their denial bubble.**

* * *

As soon as I step out of the Academy classroom, Ume steps close and grabs my shoulders. Kazuki hovers just beside her.

"You passed, right?" Ume asks, eyes deadly serious.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. A moment passes, then another.

I still don't say a word.

"Oh shit," Kazu mutters, interpreting my silence as failure. "Shit, shit, _shit_ \- what are we going to _do?"_

Ume closes her eyes and curls her hands into fists. "Okay," she mutters. "Okay, this. This isn't _ideal,_ but it's fine. We'll just delay for a year."

"Fine?!" Kazu hisses. "You can't just 'delay' being a ninja! Nori's gonna be on a team by herself, this isn't _fine -"_

"I passed," I say, cutting him off before he can continue his rant. I hold up the forehead protector that I've been given as proof.

"Oh, thank _god."_

Ume snatches it out of my hand and inspects it.

"You asshole," she says, as she hands it back to me, scowling. "You could've started off with that."

"Oh, lighten up," I roll my eyes. "I'm kind of offended, honestly - did you seriously believe that I failed?"

"Shut up, Nori."

I laugh and brush by them, stepping out into the hallway and heading for the exit. Kazu and Ume fall into step beside me, relieved that I passed, but still tense.

We can't quite relax just yet.

"Do you think we did it?" Kazu asks. "I mean. Top shinobi, top kunoichi, and the dead last. That's our ranking, right? They _have_ to put us together."

I nod. "I nicked a class ranking list yesterday just to be sure," I confirm. "As far as I know, that's us."

"It kinda depends," Ume says. "I mean. Who knows how reliable that concept is…"

I grit my teeth. "That's all we have to go off of."

"If you think about it, it's a dumb idea," Kazu mutters. "What kind of idiot rule is that? Assigning a dead last student to the top two kind of fucks up the team dynamic, doesn't it? It probably isn't even true -"

"Kazu, _shut up,"_ I snap.

We've worked too hard these past two years. We've slaved away at the training grounds up until dark, keeping Ume and Kazu up top. Making sure Kazu was good enough to beat _Hyuuga Neji_. Learning to cheat in a classroom supervised by ninja, keeping their scores up and making sure mine was always below everyone else's. Copying answers that are reasonably wrong.

If we don't get assigned to the same team because the fucking Naruto manga was lying to us, I _will_ blow something up.

Half-frustrated, I kick open the door to the Academy for what will hopefully be the last time. The Konoha sun shines down, and I blink as my eyes adjust to the light.

"Damn it, Nori," Ume says. "Just once, can't you open a door like a normal person?"

"It's easier this way."

I hold open the door. Once everyone's outside, I let it fall closed.

"It literally isn't, but okay," Kazu mutters. I stick my tongue out at him, but it's ineffective.

"Sometimes you act like an actual twelve-year-old, you know?" He tells me.

"Gotta keep up appearances."

Ume rolls her eyes, but she's grinning too. For a moment, we stand there, right in front of the academy, with brand-new Konoha forehead protectors in our hands.

I rub the cool metal of mine, tracing the Symbol of the Leaf.

"So should I pull a Sakura and use it as a headband?" I ask, conversational. M

Ume snorts as she ties hers loosely around her neck. "No, wear it like Lee. Put it on like a belt."

I cackle. "Imagine getting Gai as a sensei."

"Good _lord,_ yes," Kazu says. "We'll be the new Team Gai. Or - the first Team Gai?"

Kazu fumbles with a one-handed knot as he tries to tie his forehead protector around his upper left arm. I roll my eyes and help him out. Shikamaru was always his favorite character.

"Oh, Gai," Ume sighs. She glances around and lowers her voice. "Well, unless we somehow fucked up everything, he'll be getting Neji and the rest tomorrow."

"We kind of did fuck up everything, though," Kazu mutters. "Neji was supposed to be top of the class."

Yeah, that kid was utterly pissed when the rankings came out and Kazu had just _barely_ edged him out, and only because we'd done a ridiculous amount of subtle sabotage and cheating. Kazu was disappointed that the gap was so small - after all, Neji was _twelve,_ but it's not like anyone else knew that.

"Right," Ume says, quiet. "Uh. Yikes?"

I close my eyes and think for a moment. "If I recall correctly, Neji and Tenten were just below you two, and I managed to be the only one worse than Lee," I say slowly, picturing the ranking list I had seen. "So if you average out their scores, it's probably the same? I don't think they'll get separated."

"Either way, Gai will probably end up teaching Lee, at least," Kazu murmurs. "I think he'd taken an interest in Lee even before he graduated?"

"Yeah, that sounds familiar," Ume nods. "Vaguely."

"Shame," Kazu sighs. "It'd be cool to have him. He really was the coolest sensei."

"You say that now, but I don't want to do ten laps around Konoha on my hands," I tell him. "It's for the best."

We don't need an intense sensei. We don't even need to mess with the canon Naruto storyline.

Our only goal, after all, is to have one of us reach a high enough level so that we can figure out how to reverse whatever the hell brought us here and send us home.

Or, it's supposed to be. Sometimes I get the feeling that I'm the only one with a clear understanding of that.

"Yeah," Kazu says, but he's got that distant, faraway look in his eye that tells me he's definitely hoping that we get assigned to Gai.

"We can worry about our sensei if we make it onto the same team," Ume says, bringing us back on track. "Tomorrow, at noon. _Don't_ be late."

"Like any of us are ever late," I say, kicking a pebble on the ground. "Who's up for some celebration ramen?"

"I can go for that," Kazu says.

"Yeah," Ume sighs. "Why not?"

Decision made, we leave behind the Konoha Ninja Academy and start heading south, toward the infamous Ichiraku's. Ume glances over at me, and then at the forehead protector still hanging from my hand.

"You gonna put that on?" she asks me.

I look at it again and think for a moment. Then I tie it around my forehead.

"Boring," Ume tells me.

I shrug. It's not like it means that much to me anyway.

* * *

Two years ago, 'Naruto' was just the name of an insanely popular manga and anime. Two years ago, I was a normal, procrastinating college student watching that insanely popular anime with some friends.

Two years ago, the three of us passed out at four A.M. and then abruptly woke up in a forest clearing standing in the center of a shallowly scratched spiral.

It's incredibly disconcerting to wake up as a ten-year-old. It's even more disconcerting to realize that you're not in the same _universe._

Before me, 'Noriko' seemed to be a rather private person. She'd been orphaned from the Kyuubi attack and was attending the Academy in the hopes of securing financial stability since she couldn't seem to get adopted. From what I could tell, she never talked much and didn't really have friends.

Kazuki and Ume were also orphans, though Kazu's parents apparently died sometime before the Kyuubi. They were attending the Academy for similar reasons, and other than living in the same orphanage, these three kids didn't seem to have any relation other than that. They didn't appear to be friends, or enemies, or anything really. There was no reason for them to talk to each other.

So we never figured out why they were standing in the middle of some strange ritual in a Konoha forest.

At that point, though, that was kind of the least of our worries. Still reeling from the shock of waking up in an entirely different world, we kept our heads down and tried to blend in. We tried to research how this could have happened to us, only to get barred from the more informative scrolls on sealing and rituals. Hitting that wall gave us a goal: to graduate the Academy and get promoted high enough to get us access to that information.

We compiled everything we knew about the series. We knew that the likelihood of us being separated upon graduation was high, so Kazu and Ume aimed for the top two spots in the Academy while I let my grades fall in the hopes of getting assigned together. We pinned down our position in the timeline once we learned that Neji, Tenten, and Lee were in our Academy class, and we came up with the barest bones of plan to give us some illusion of control.

And we've been here ever since.

"You gonna eat your ramen?" Kazu asks me.

I blink.

I'd been staring at my bowl for a good minute or so. Ume is looking at me with a concerned expression on her face.

"Yeah," I said. "Just… I dunno. It's kind of crazy, isn't it?"

"Yeah, we're technically genin now," Ume said. "God, didn't think I'd ever say that phrase _seriously."_

"I used to fantasize about being a ninja in the Naruto universe," Kazu admits. "I was like, unrealistically badass. I had a Sharingan in one eye and a Byakugan in the other, but it didn't make sense because I was from Kiri and Zabuza trained me alongside Haku."

"You too?" Ume says. "Before we… uh, left, I was actually writing a self-insert Naruto fanfiction."

"Whoa, really?" Kazu asks. "Wow. You didn't seem like the type."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Ume says, cheeks rapidly turning red.

"Just… you never really seemed, you know… _that_ type of fangirl?"

Ume rolls her eyes and jabs her chopsticks into her ramen with unnecessary force.

"Which fanfic was it?" I ask. "Maybe I've read it."

"I never posted it online," she says, face still red. "It was your typical 'car-accident victim wakes up as a baby and becomes a ninja'. Never got past the Chuunin Exams."

"Most never did," I sigh. With that, I finally start eating my ramen.

For a moment, we're eating in silence. Naruto was right - Ichiraku's ramen is really good - and the food warms me up from my stomach, taking away some of the stress I'd been hoarding in my brain.

Kazu clears his throat. Ume and I look over.

He keeps his eyes trained on his ramen and uncomfortably licks his lips. After a pause, he finally opens his mouth.

"What're we gonna do if we get separated?" he asks in a low voice.

"Don't think like that," Ume says, the words coming out like a reflex. "We _can't_ get separated."

"I'm just saying - it's a possibility," he says. "I know I've been - I mean, I don't wanna _panic_ about it anymore, but. Just, if it _does_ happen, I'd feel better if we had a clear plan."

"Even if we get separated, the plan doesn't change," I say, firm. "We get access to the information we need to go home. I'd prefer not to do it separately, but if we have to, then we can."

"Home," Kazu echoes.

I _really_ don't like that uncertain tone.

"We'll be genin for a while, anyway, so the chances of dying are low," Ume points out. "Nothing crazy happens until next year, and we don't even have to be involved in that. We can just _not_ do next year's Chuunin exams, and then whenever we do get promoted, we'll be able to pick up our research again."

"And what if the information we need is only available to jounin?" Kazu asks.

"Then one of us will have to make jounin," I say. "It's okay, Kazu. We'll make it home."

Kazu winces. "That's not what I - never mind."

"Huh?"

"You're right," he says. "I'm just freaking out over nothing again. You know me."

"It's not _nothing,"_ Ume says in a soothing tone.

Kazu takes a deep breath. "It is what it is," he says, and he doesn't say another word. Ume and I exchange a worried glance.

 _He'll be alright,_ she mouths.

Once we get assigned a team, he'll be fine. Kazu always worried too much for his own good.

* * *

The next day finds us in the Academy classroom, sitting together in the back corner and holding our breaths.

"Team One," our sensei announces. The class is deathly silent.

The three names he reads off are not any of ours. Ume slips her hand into mine and squeezes.

"We'll be fine," I hear her mutter under her breath. "We're gonna be fine, it'll be fine, it's fine."

With every team assignment, I can feel myself growing more and more tense. None of our names get called, and the amount of unassigned students is dwindling. The chances of us being assigned to the same team slowly increases.

"Team Six. Hyuuga Neji. Tenten. Rock Lee."

I look over to where Neji is sitting. He's scowling.

"I knew they wouldn't get separated," I grin.

Ume's eyes light up. "That means for _us_ -"

She cuts off when our Academy sensei clears his throat and looks at our corner of the classroom.

My eyes widen.

"Team Seven," our sensei says. "Kazuki."

Kazu stiffens. The three of us snap to attention.

 _Oh my God,_ I think.

Ume's eyes are screwed shut.

"Hirato Ume."

She squeezes my hand even tighter and I worriedly chew on the inside of my mouth.

"Yano Noriko."

I let out a breath and slump back in my seat.

"Yes!" Kazu hisses, quiet enough that it doesn't disrupt that class. "Yes! It worked!"

I'm too relieved to reply as our teacher continues listing off names. Ume and Kazu quietly celebrate. I allow myself a tired grin.

Oh god, I can finally sleep at night. Graduating this Academy has been a goddamn _ordeal._

Our teacher says something about our future jounin sensei coming to pick us up or something, and the class starts breaking out into conversation. I can hear people complaining about team assignments, or awkwardly meeting up with their new team members. But for us, in the back corner -

"We fucking _did it,"_ Ume near-shrieks. "We did it! Oh my god, Kishimoto was right."

"It's so dumb," Kazu half-sobs. "I can't believe they actually assign teams like that. Holy shit."

"Thank god," I say. "If I had to get assigned to a team with _actual_ twelve-year-olds, I'd explode."

I can finally answer questions. I don't have to fail my tests anymore.

Although, I'm not gonna lie, it was actually kind of fun cheating to fail.

"Who do you think our sensei is?" Kazu asks.

"Probably some random jounin," Ume muses, still grinning with relief. "The chances of getting a canon character sensei are pretty low. If any of them, it'll probably be Yuuhi or Sarutobi."

"I thought Kurenai was a new jounin when she tested Team Eight. And wasn't Asuma like… somewhere else?"

For the life of me, I can't remember.

"Then we're not getting a canon character," Ume shrugs. She's still grinning with relief.

Kazu sighs, mildly disappointed. "It would have been cool to train under one of them."

"Yeah," I sighed. "But, well. We wouldn't want to interact with canon too much."

Ume tilts her head and frowns. "Why not?" She asks.

I blink. "'What do you mean, 'Why not?' There's no way we can keep up with the god-mode anime shenanigans."

Ume shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "I mean. Just with the information alone, we might be able to do something."

"And get sent to T&I? We don't know these people. This isn't a fanfiction."

Ume sighs and looks away, a wistful expression on her face. "Yeah, you're right."

When I follow her gaze, I see her looking at where Team Gai is sitting. She's probably thinking about Neji's eventual death.

I know _I_ am. What a terrible narrative move.

When I draw my attention back to our little group, I realize that Kazu has this oddly blank expression on his face. I look at him warily.

"You alright?"

"Just anxious," he says, just a little too quickly. "About who will be teaching us."

I narrow my eyes in suspicion. First, at the ramen shop. Then, right now. For a moment, I want to call him out, but I end up staying silent.

When the door opens, we whip our heads around. A jounin pokes his head in, wearing a disinterested expression.

"Team Four?"

Three kids stand up and stumble over to the door with barely contained enthusiasm. I watch them leave.

Then I frown.

"What number were we, again?" I ask, something turning in my gut.

"Seven," Kazu answers.

"Oh, okay. Thanks."

…

"Wait, as in _Team Seven?"_

Ume shifts in her seat. "I really doubt - yeah, there's no way that's happening. I mean, what are the chances?"

"Well, we did end up on a team together," Kazu says.

"Yeah, but we rigged that," I remind him. "This is pure probability. Is he even a sensei?"

"Didn't he fail like, five teams before Naruto came along?"

"Oh, right," I remember. "Okay, so _maybe,_ but I still doubt it. We're not that unlucky."

"Yeah," Kazu murmurs. His voice is soft at first, but he nods to himself and speaks up with a little more confidence. "Yeah. What are the chances?"

* * *

Two hours later, when the three of us are still sitting in a now abandoned classroom, I have to acknowledge that the chances were fairly high.

"Okay. Okay. This is fine," Ume says. "We already know the secret of the bell test. We can pass, easy. No big deal."

"Are you kidding me?" I hiss. "God, all this effort of trying to fly under the radar and we get assigned _Hatake Kakashi._ He's going to realize that we're _us,_ and then we're going to _die."_

"It's not like he knew us before," Kazu points out. _"No one_ knew us before. No one noticed when we got here."

"Yeah, but -" I cut off and huff. "If we let it slip that we know anything -"

"And what will we know?" Ume asks, soothingly. "We're in peacetime. None of our knowledge comes into play until the rookie nine graduate. And it's not like we'll have much of a chance to talk backstory with the guy."

I can feel myself frowning, but Ume has a point.

"I guess you're right," I admit. "I'm just. Ugh, I keep expecting something to go wrong."

"Yeah, that's fair," Ume says. "Honestly, I'm surprised that you're the one freaking out about this. You weren't this worried about getting separated."

 _Because getting separated is inconvenient, but falling under suspicion for having unexplainable knowledge is dangerous,_ I think, but I don't say it out loud.

We sit there for another anxious minute, listening intently for any footsteps or breathing or _any_ sign that Kakashi is approaching. Not that I expect to hear much, but it's better than sitting around doing nothing.

Ume clears her throat.

"Yeah?" Kazu asks, quiet.

"What're are we gonna do about the timeline?"

"Huh? We talked about this already. We're not getting involved."

Ume shakes her head. "Noriko - assuming we pass - if we don't hit Chuunin in the next year, _Team Seven isn't going get him as a sensei."_

It's then that I remember that Kakashi is currently the only Konoha-nin with a Sharingan, save Danzo. Despite slaving away and training enough to beat out _Hyuuga Neji_ and _Tenten_ in the class rankings, we're still a trio of orphan nobodies, and Sasuke is the Last Uchiha.

If we're lucky, they'll just move Kakashi to have him teach the Naruto trio and we'll get a replacement sensei. But also, considering the whole _'never abandon your teammates'_ thing… would Kakashi even go along with that?

Kazu blinks. "Oh, fuck."

Yeah, that about sums it up. If we wanted to, we could simply _fail_ the bell test, but. That's at _least_ another year of wasted time before we can try again for a jounin sensei, if they even give us another chance. I remember the bell test arc very vividly - Kakashi threatened to kick Team Seven out of the shinobi program entirely. I don't know if that's something that he can do, but…

Judging by the looks on Kazu and Ume's faces, they don't want to risk it, either.

"We'll just have to get promoted as soon as possible," I say.

Ume looks uncertain. "In the next _year?"_

Kazu has some unidentifiable expression in his eyes. "Chuunin exams are in July. So, the next six months."

Ume bites her lip and breathes out. It's probably her alternative to screaming.

"That's been the plan, anyway," I try to reassure her. "The sooner we hit Chuunin, the sooner we can go home."

Kazu nods. "Shikamaru did it. It's possible."

My eyes drop to the forehead protector on his arm, his silent homage to the Nara strategist.

Ume closes her eyes.

"Right," she says. "Yeah. Yeah. This is fine. It's fine."

She's still talking to herself when Kakashi _finally_ arrives an hour and a half later.

He walks into the empty classroom and eyes the three of us sitting in the back corner: Ume, nervously muttering under her breath; Kazu, bouncing his leg up and down so hard that the table is shaking; and me, desperately trying to think my way out of our predicament with my head in my hands.

"My first impression: you all seem like idiots. Meet me on the roof."

With that, he disappears as quickly as he came.

"Auspicious start," I mutter, and I get to my feet. "Let's go."

* * *

This scene is pretty much exactly as I imagined it: the mysterious masked jounin sitting down on the roof, facing three cross-legged genin patiently awaiting instructions. A light breeze brushes by, and I can hear birds chirping in the distance.

The only difference is that, instead of Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura - it's me and two of my college hallmates getting ready to be tested by a jounin sensei.

Yeah, I didn't think this would ever happen, either.

"So. Introductions," Kakashi drawls. "Likes, dislikes, dreams for the future or whatever."

Kazu, Ume, and I glance at each other, a silent conversation passing between us.

"I'm Kazuki," Kazu starts off, taking his cue to go first. "I like spicy food, I don't like snakes, and my dream…" He trails off and hesitates.

I look at him, curious.

"My dream is to become the strongest ninja in the world," he declares, with more conviction. His eyes blaze with determination.

 _Er - what?_

There's an awkward pause for a moment, and I stare at him. Kazu doesn't look over.

"Er, okay," Ume says, when it becomes clear that Kazu isn't going to elaborate. "I'm, uh, Hirato Ume. I like plans, I don't like bugs, and my dream is to protect Konoha and my precious people."

I tear my incredulous gaze away from Kazu and lift an eyebrow at Ume.

 _You totally ripped off that phrase._

She only shrugs. _What of it?_

"I guess it's my turn," I mutter, and clear my throat. "I'm Yano Noriko. I like to read, I dislike bugs, and my dream is..."

I blink. It's been two years since we'd mysteriously landed in this world. Two years since I'd had to become Yano Noriko. Two years since I'd last seen my own face in the mirror. I take a breath and prepare the words.

"... My dream is to find home."

"Oh?"

Ume knits her eyebrows together in concern.

"I mean, Konoha _is_ my home," I tack on, realizing how borderline traitorous this might sound. "I just. I want… _home."_

Home, with my parents' cooking and my older brother, and my _life._

"Huh," is all Kakashi has to say to that. He knows that Noriko is an orphan with no family. He's probably assuming that I'm searching for some sort of meaning in my life.

With that, Kakashi moves on. "I'm Hatake Kakashi. Possibly your jounin sensei."

We let the expected statement stand for probably a half-second too long, but Ume saves us by hesitantly speaking up.

"Er. What do you mean, _'possibly'?"_

Kakashi grins. "Oh, haven't you heard? There's a second test you have to take before becoming official genin. Only one in three actually pass." He leans in, ominous and amused. "In other words, there's a sixty-six percent chance that you'll be sitting in the Academy again."

I let my eyes widen and my shoulders tense at the news. Ume gasps. Kazu sucks in a startled breath.

Kakashi studies us quietly, and I try not to flinch. _Are we surprised enough?_

"So, tomorrow. Training Ground Three. Six A.M, don't be late."

"R-right," Ume stammers like a pro.

"Make sure you don't eat breakfast," he adds. "You might throw up."

I plaster a grimace on my face and stare at the roof tiles. "I think I might throw up right now," I mutter under my breath.

Kakashi's visible eye crinkles with humor. "Well then. See ya."

He gives us a half-assed salute before disappearing in a swirl of leaves. I wonder if we managed to pass off as clueless students, or if he saw through our act.

…Oh, who am I kidding. He totally saw through it, and we're all going to die.

"What the hell was that?" Ume hisses, voice low. She grabs my arm and drags me out of my thoughts. Her eyes dart around for a moment before she turns her full attention back to me and starts her lecture. _"'Find home'._ Geez, I thought you were worried about being found out - why the _hell_ would you say that?!"

"It's metaphorical enough," I hiss back. "Besides, that _is_ my goal. I thought it'd be better to stick to the truth than to add to our house of lies. I'm not as good a liar as you."

Ume shakes her head and drops my arm. "Whatever. What's done is done."

Yeah, too late to salvage _that_ situation. I bet Kakashi's at the Hokage's office right now, sharing suspicions about how his genin are insane and suspicious and -

 _Okay, I'm cutting myself off right there,_ I think. _Ugh, I can't think about that right now._

It's then that I turn over to Kazu. "What was that about being the strongest ninja in the world?"

Kazu shrugs. "It's a worthy goal. And it's not like it raises any red flags."

Ume makes a noise of agreement and shoots me a pointed look. I cross my arms.

"Anyway," Ume says, still glaring at me. "We need to plan for tomorrow."

"Right," Kazu says. "Let's head to the training ground and case the joint."

He gets to his feet, and Ume and I copy him. Then, we're walking to Training Ground Three.

We _do_ attempt to set up some traps, but, well -

* * *

\- They didn't exactly do much for us during the bell test.

"Why am _I_ the one tied to a tree stump?" I grumble, as soon as Kakashi appears to leave the clearing.

"Because you're the only one that didn't get hit directly," Ume grumbles, clutching her gut.

Kazu scowls at the reminder and rubs his jaw. "Yeah, it's only fair."

Since I'm marginally faster than Kazu and Ume, and since I was playing the role of the dead last, I ended up being the distraction. It mostly involved some weak attempts to rile up Kakashi, some extreme dodging, and the vague plan of guiding him into our traps. I barely managed to avoid getting hit, and that was only because he decided to focus on Ume and Kazu when they made their swipe for the bells.

Needless to say, it was a failed attempt, and now we are sitting in the clearing while I stare at their food.

To believe that that's Kakashi holding _back…_ how in the _world_ are we going to impress him enough to sign us up for the next Chuunin Exams?

"Here," Ume says. I blink, retreating out of my thoughts.

"Get that pathetic expression off your face." She holds out a bit of her lunch and I gratefully take it.

Kazu uncaps a water bottle and holds it up to my mouth, and I chug it down.

 _So now we've passed,_ I think to myself, after I swallow another mouthful of food. Honestly, we probably passed as soon as he noticed that we had a plan involving all three of us, but I think that Kakashi just wanted to fuck around and tie up one of his genin anyway.

We sit in silence. Ume and Kazu eat their lunches and occasionally give me some of their food. In between bites, I attempt to wriggle out of the ropes binding me to the stump.

I can't even manage to move my arm.

"Need help?" Ume asks, pulling a kunai out of her weapons pouch.

"Sure."

We'd been sharing our food for a while, and Kakashi still hasn't returned. Absently, I wonder where he is.

Ume saws through the rope with her kunai. I feel the sudden slack and rub my arms.

"Thanks."

She smiles.

Kazu takes a gulp of water and swallows. Another thirty seconds of tense silence passes, and then he awkwardly clears his throat.

"When do you think he'll come back -"

 _"You!"_

I can't help the startled shriek that escapes my throat. Kazu chokes on air, and Ume falls over.

Heart racing, I glance up at where Kakashi is standing, smoke dramatically curling around him. He eyes the cut ropes and the food, and then looks at Ume who still has the kunai in her hand.

Ume, always quick-witted, pulls on a panicked expression and stammers. "Uh, this is, um. This isn't what it looks like?"

Kazu actually snorts in amusement while I hang my head low. The silence stretches longer and longer.

"You pass."

"What?!" Ume gasps, playing her part. Kazu delightedly punches the air, and I look up, trying to convey a shocked and hopeful expression.

"You pass," Kakashi repeats. "You're the first team that's seen through this test. The point of this test is to get you to work together."

I look at him. "Even though there's only two bells, and three of us?"

"Yep," he says, voice light and cheerful. "You're the first team that actually worked together instead of trying to kill each other!"

Kazu frowns. "Then why'd you tie Noriko up and tell us not to feed her?"

Kakashi pretends to think for a moment before he beams and shrugs at us. "Felt like it."

 _Knew it,_ I think, and I slump back against the tree stump.

"Listen carefully," he tells us. I feel my back straightening up in anticipation, and beside me, Kazu and Ume are also feeling a little more alert.

"Those who break the rules of ninja are trash. But those who abandon their comrades are even worse than trash."

Something about hearing that line from the man himself makes it seem a little more powerful. A little more ominous.

It sounds like a warning.

He gestures to the Memorial Stone on the other end of the clearing. We listen in silence as he describes its purpose. When he mentions his 'best friend', I feel Ume stiffen beside me.

 _Uchiha Obito._

Kakashi isn't facing us, so he probably can't see our reactions to that. We're going to have to work on this - pretending that we don't know his entire life story.

"... So congratulations, Team Seven," he tells us, and turns around once more. "We'll start our ninja duties tomorrow."

With that, he pulls out his _Icha Icha Paradise_ book. "Kazuki, Ume, you're dismissed. Noriko - stay here."

This time, my surprise isn't feigned. Kazu and Ume look at me, eyes wide.

"Er, what?" I ask, unsure if I heard that correctly.

"You heard me," Kakashi says, his tone light. "Don't worry, you're not in trouble. I just want to ask a few questions."

My stomach flips, and I feel a little bile working its way up my throat. _I'm going to fucking die._

Ume grabs my hand and squeezes it tight. Kazu glances between me and Kakashi, and he frowns.

"Okay," I hear myself say. "You two go ahead."

Kazu's voice is low. "Noriko -"

"Oh, don't worry about us," Kakashi says, nonchalant. "It won't take long."

"Yeah," I say. I'm not sure if I'm trying to reassure my friends or myself. "Just go ahead."

Ume bites her lip, but she nods. She gets to her feet and looks at Kazu.

"Fine," Kazu bites out, and I blink at the aggressive tone. He looks between Kakashi and I one last time, and then the two of them walk out of the clearing together.

Now, it's just me and Kakashi.

 _I'm going to fucking die._

"So, Noriko-chan," he drawls. He's reading his infamous porn, not even bothering to look at me, and I hope that my internal screaming isn't too obvious.

"Yeah?"

"You weren't _really_ the dead last, were you?"

"Wh - what?"

Kakashi turns a page in his book. "Kazuki and Ume were the top male and female students," he says. "But you, Miss _Dead Last,_ kept up with them quite well… and they didn't seem very surprised."

I bite my lip and weigh the options. I'm an awful liar - that's always been Ume's area of expertise - and, well, I think lying at this point would probably be too suspicious.

"It was on purpose," I admit. "We'd heard a rumor that they assign teams based on averaging out the scores, and that the top shinobi and kunoichi end up with the dead last. We wanted to be on the same team, so that's what we did."

"Ah, I see," Kakashi muses. "So that's why you three were willing to work together… If you don't mind me asking, where did you hear this rumor?"

"We'd heard it from an Academy sensei," I tell him. "Something about balancing out the team skills?"

Kakashi doesn't visibly react.

"You three must be close, then," he murmurs. "You were willing to fail in order to be on a team with them."

"Er, yeah," I say. "Uh. We all live in the same orphanage? We're friends."

Again, no lies.

"Hmm," Kakashi says. His eyes flicker over to me, and then back to his book. "How do you feel about Uchiha Sasuke?"

The sudden change in subject _completely_ catches me off guard. "Uh… what?"

He looks at me, waiting.

"I - I guess he's okay?" I stutter. "I don't really _know_ him. He's a year below me, and he seems kinda creepy sometimes, but whatever?"

"Nothing else?" he ventures.

I could talk about how hilarious it was that Sasuke never accomplished anything he set out to do as a villain, but none of that has happened yet, so I shake my head.

"Hmm. Okay," he says. With that, he turns around. "See you tomorrow, Noriko-chan."

I watch him walk out of the clearing with a bewildered expression.

Why in the world would he ask _that_ question? Kazu, Ume, and I haven't ever interacted with Naruto's class. We'd really only seen them in passing, since they were a couple classrooms away from ours. I don't have any connection to Uchiha Sasuke.

 _You don't,_ a voice in my head says. But maybe Yano Noriko does.

I shake my head. Why in the world would some civilian orphan have a connection to _Sasuke_ of all people? Everything I'd found out about the person whose body I'm wearing said that she was a quiet, lonely, kid who didn't have friends. Plus, if she and Sasuke _did_ interact, surely the kid would have brought it up at least once in the past two years?

Or, maybe not. He was the epitome of an edgy lone wolf.

Still, that doesn't exactly answer any of my questions.

* * *

It doesn't take too long for me to find Kazu and Ume, since they were waiting for me on the path that leads to Training Ground Three. I walk up to them and nod in acknowledgement.

I don't know what kind of face I'm making, but it must be something special because Ume's concerned expression intensifies when I get close enough for us to see each other clearly.

"What was _that_ about?" Kazu asks, narrowing his eyes.

"He just asked me if I purposely held back in the Academy to be the 'dead last'," I say.

Ume blinks. "And what'd you say?"

"The truth," I admit. "I don't think I could've lied to him point blank."

Ume nods, and her shoulders loosen a little. "That's alright. It probably convinced him that we really were working together as a team."

Kazu is still looking at me expectantly. There's probably still some lingering bewilderment on my face.

"He also asked me about Sasuke," I add.

Kazu frowns, obviously not expecting that. "Wh - _Sasuke?"_

"Why the fuck would he ask about that?" Ume wonders. "We don't know him. We didn't even talk to the kid, did we?" She narrows her eyes and glances between Kazu and me.

"Definitely wasn't me," Kazu says, putting his hands up in surrender. "I was too busy trying to beat Neji."

The two of them look over at me, and I scowl and cross my arms. "Of course I didn't talk to Sasuke," I grumble. "He wasn't even in my top ten favorite characters."

"Sorry, had to be sure," Ume apologizes. "Still. That's like, a really out there question. What are we missing?"

"Yeah, I don't know why either," I shrug. "I… I just _really_ don't want to think about that right now, so…"

"Right," Ume says with a sigh. "It's fine. This is fine. Let's just get barbecue or something."

"I'm down," Kazu agrees.

We turn right and start making our way through Konoha, headed for the restaurant sections. I try my best to focus on the walk and not on my conversation with Kakashi, but I fail that pretty badly.

 _Well, at least I didn't die,_ I try to console myself.

We pull up in front of Yakiniku Q.

"You think Neji and his team will be here?" Ume asks.

"God, I hope not," Kazu grimaces. "I really don't want to put up with him right now."

"He's not so bad," Ume mutters, looking away.

I roll my eyes. "He's not so bad - in _one year,"_ I say. "Stuck-up Hyuuga Neji who was robbed of his class ranking by a cheating civilian orphan is _awful."_

Kazu laughs, but it's pained. "Yeah, he kinda sucks."

"Well, then, Mr. _'Strongest Shinobi',"_ Ume taunts. "You'll just have to keep beating the Hyuuga prodigy, right?"

"Right," Kazu breathes out. "I did say that was my dream, you know."

I frown at him. "You were _serious?"_

"Hey, if we're gonna be in this world, I might as well take advantage of it, right?" Kazu says. "We're learning from _Copy-nin Kakashi,_ after all."

I bite my lip.

"Oh, don't look at me like that," Kazu says. "I miss home, too. But I'm not gonna waste my time obsessing over it."

"Yeah," Ume tells me. "We're not _forgetting_ about home. But this is where we are now. Might as well make the best of it, right?"

"Right," I echo, but I don't know if I actually understand. This is where I am now… but it's not where I belong.

Kazu and Ume walk into the restaurant together, and I trail after them. We claim a table, order, and wait for our food.

I drum my fingers on the table. Ume traces the grain of the wood.

"Six months to hit Chuunin," Kazu muses. His eyes are sharp, his mouth a parody of a genuine smile. _"That's_ gonna be a blast."

"You think _we_ can get assigned a C-rank turned A-rank?" Ume asks. "That should impress him enough to give us a go at the exams, right?"

"That's one way to go about it," I say. "I can't really think of how else we're supposed to convince him."

Kazu breathes out. "That's out of our control, though," he says. "What are the chances that we'll get a C-rank where our client lied to us like that?"

"Very, _very_ low," Ume says. "But. Well, we _did_ get assigned to Hatake Kakashi. So maybe we'll have some luck in that department?"

I grimace. "I don't know if I'm comfortable leaving everything to chance like that."

Kazu doesn't look too happy with that pessimistic statement, but he doesn't call me out on it. Instead, all he does is shrug. "We don't have much of a choice."

Yeah, we don't. At this point, it's pray for the opportunity, or never go home again.

Ume closes her eyes, nervously licks her lips, and grimaces. "Yeah… this is fine. We're totally gonna be fine."

Oh, Ume. When you say it out loud like that, it sounds so simple.

If only that were the truth.

* * *

 **A/N: So, that just happened.**

 **This mostly came around because I've been reading a bunch of OC Naruto fic to bring back the inspiration for my other story, and since there's a ton of high quality self-inserts in this fandom, this decided to exist.**

 **This isn't very high on my priority list - I wrote this more as a 'proof-of-concept' sort of thing, since this idea wouldn't leave me alone and I had to get it in writing.**

 **I still have a couple ideas for these characters, but it's not exactly a lot. There's just the vague mystery of how the trio ended up in the Naruto Universe to begin with [ :) ], and more fleshing out of Ume and Kazuki's characters. It'll probably be a long while before I ever revisit this, so I'll just leave this here because I think the concept is fun and I'm sure other people might like it, too.**

 **EDIT: because people keep pointing this out, YES they are super unsubtle about the fact that they are not from the Naruto universe. It was an intentional choice, lol. Sorry if their idiocy got on your nerves?**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 **\- LazuliQuetzal**


	2. UME: A Distant Daydream

**NOTE: This is in Ume's POV!**  
 **Yes, I'm doing rotating first person. No, I'm not changing my mind. You have been warned.**

* * *

We're one week into D-Ranks before Noriko and Kazu snap.

Kakashi's just dismissed us for the day — right after a long hard day repairing roofs in downtown Konoha — and on our way back to the orphanage, Noriko opens her mouth.

"We need to get a C-rank."

I glance over, trying to figure out the best way to say 'yeah, that's not gonna happen' without pissing her off.

"Nori's right," Kazuki agrees, for some stupid reason. "It's high time we got one."

"We're running out of time," Noriko says. "And the more C-ranks we take, the more chances we get to impress Kakashi-sensei and take the exams."

"Nori, it's been a _week,"_ I try. I keep my voice smooth and placating. "We have more than enough time —"

"Ume, I am not going to waste time mowing lawns and painting fences." Noriko almost snarls. "We've got teamwork. We're all pretty decent with taijutsu. Kazu's got a C-ranked fire jutsu, I've got a pretty good handle on low-level genjutsu, and you can heal basic wounds. We've been working on this for a while. That's C-rank ready."

Kazu smirks, and I try not to roll my eyes.

"Kakashi-sensei isn't going to get us one. And none of us are close enough to the Sandaime to pull a Naruto."

"Then we need to convince one of them," Noriko shrugs, and she looks at me.

Kazu's also looking at me. I can feel the headache coming on — this isn't the first time this has happened.

"I'm not a miracle worker," I say. God, talk your way out of missing an essay _one_ time and suddenly you're a wizard.

Kazu grins and slings an arm around my shoulder. I try to step out of the way, but Nori steps in and I'm trapped between the two.

This time, I actually roll my eyes.

"I'm not promising anything," I grumble. There's not as much heat in my tone as I would like, but it's not like it would have done anything anyway.

"You're a goddess, Ume," Kazu tells me. Noriko grins, all teeth.

I shove them off and smile, but my mind is elsewhere. How the hell am I supposed to convince Kakashi-sensei to take us on a C-rank? Maybe I can threaten spoilers for _Icha Icha,_ but I haven't read them and there's no way any shopkeeper will sell those books to a twelve-year-old girl.

"Aw, hell," Kazu mutters, and I look up.

Hyuuga Neji has just appeared on the street, walking toward us. Or, not toward us — toward the Hyuuga Compound, which we passed a few blocks ago. His long hair swishes behind his back as he walks, and I don't see Lee or Tenten around.

His white eyes land on our team, and I straighten my back.

"Hi, Neji!"

Noriko subtly jabs her elbow into my side and I bite back an irritated hiss.

Neji doesn't acknowledge my greeting, instead electing to glare over at Kazu.

Kazu crosses his arms. "I see you passed your genin test."

"Of course I did." Neji doesn't quite _scoff_ — he's too refined for that — but the patronizing tone is definitely there. "I see you managed to cheat your way onto your team."

Kazu growls and takes a half-step forward. I reach out and lightly grab his arm.

He bristles, but he doesn't push me away.

"Playing pretend will only get you so far," Neji states, cold and harsh. "You can try to deny it all you want, but you'll end up in the same place as everyone of your kind."

"Get over it, Neji," Kazu bites out. "Cheating's a part of a ninja's life. It's not my fault you weren't good enough to see it coming."

Neji shoots Kazu a sharp scowl and continues walking. "One day you'll come across something you can't talk out of," he says, turning his back on us.

"One day your fate will catch up with you," Kazu calls out. "And you'll just lay down and take it like the weak-willed asshole you are!"

Neji doesn't deign to answer. Soon enough, he's out of earshot.

"Geez, Kazu," I mumble. "Would it kill you to be civil?"

"He started it!"

"You didn't have to go along ," I hiss. "Can't you just… I dunno, take the high road every once in a while?"

Kazu scowls and yanks his arm out of my loose grip. "Whatever."

He storms ahead of us. Noriko glances over.

"Or, you could take Kazu's side, for a change," she tells me.

"Wh — Nori, he's being a dick."

"Yeah, and you're crushing on a fictional twelve-year-old."

"I — _Noriko!"_ I sputter. "I am _not!"_

"Okay, fair," Noriko sighs and makes a face. "You're crushing on the idealized, future version of him. Still, you could take Kazu's side every once in a while. Neji's an asshole at this stage and you know it."

I roll my eyes. "You think I don't know that?"

"Then why do you keep trying to reach out to him?"

"He needs a friend."

"And you're not twelve."

I scowl back at her. "I kinda am, in case you haven't noticed."

She glares at me, her mouth twitching into a frown.

"What?"

She stares at me for a moment, her cold black eyes pinning me into place. After a pause, she finally speaks. "I thought we agreed that we weren't going to mess with canon."

"We already did," I mumble. "And I'm not planning to _derail_ anything."

Which, admittedly, is a little bit of a lie, but Noriko doesn't need to know that. She shakes her head and lengthens her strides to catch up to Kazu.

He's still stewing about it when we're all settling back into the room that we share at the orphanage. We crawl under our thin covers and lie awake on our bedrolls.

"Good night," I whisper.

Noriko whispers back. "Night, Ume."

There's no reply from Kazu, and I feel a little prick of guilt.

Noriko falls asleep first. She never had problems with insomnia, not even back in our old world. Her breathing is even and slow. In the dark, I can make out Kazu's back on the bedroll in front of me.

I wait for a few minutes, just to see if he'll fall asleep, but he doesn't.

"Sorry," I whisper. It teeters on the edge of audible.

I feel a little bad, but I'm not exactly _sorry_...

He lets out a quiet grunt. "It's fine, Ume. You were right, anyway."

We fall silent. Across the room, another kid starts snoring. Quietly, I think about Neji and the Hyuuga clan, and how unfair everything is.

Noriko is right — there's no way we'll be able to keep up with god-mode anime shenanigans. No matter how much I try, I'll never be strong enough to keep up with canon in that sense.

But even if we end up returning to our old world, I don't think I could _live_ with myself if I didn't at least try.

"Ume?"

Kazu's quiet voice pulls me out of my thoughts. "Yeah?"

A pregnant pause hangs between us for a second. Just when I think he's going to change his mind, he clears his throat.

"Is it stupid that I'm having a lot of fun with this?"

The first thing I had noticed when I met him back home was his Akatsuki sweater. Noriko, Kazu, and I bonded by keeping up with Boruto and ranting to each other about it. All three of us had grown up watching the Naruto dub on Cartoon Network. If he's not having at least a little bit of fun now, I'd be worried.

"It's not stupid, Kazu. Honestly, I'm kinda enjoying this, too."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

The relief in his voice is subtle, but still present. Another second of silence passes, and then another. Two minutes later, Kazu's asleep, and I'm left staring at his back in the dark.

* * *

It's only seven in the morning, and Training Ground Three is half-shrouded in shadow. For the past week, we've been showing up on time, just in case Kakashi ever decides to show his presence (he never does). This means that we have three or four hours to kill before we start whatever training or D-rank we have for today. In other words, it's a good time to brief my teammates on Operation: Manipulating Kakashi-sensei to give us a C-rank. It's actually pretty solid, considering I came up with it in one night.

I clear my throat, drawing their attention, and open my mouth.

"So here's the plan: I need Kazu to pick a fight with Neji."

Noriko lifts an eyebrow, and Kazu splutters indignantly.

"Just yesterday, you told me to take the high road!"

"Well, not today," I inform him. "Today, I need you to take the dirtiest road you can. And — here's the important thing — we need this to go down in front of his team."

Noriko grimaces. "Ume, no offense, but this sounds like an awful plan."

"Hey, _you're_ the ones who insisted that we get a C-rank. The only one allowed to complain here is me."

Kazu crosses his arms. "Okay, fine. We find out where Neji's training and bother him. How does this help?"

I swallow. This part is important, but Kazu really isn't going to like this. "Well… it only really helps if it's a taijutsu spar."

Noriko coughs and Kazu's eyes bulge out.

"Taijutsu?!" Kazu hisses. "Ume, I can out-talk and out-think and out-pace that ass in maybe anything else. The one thing I absolutely cannot do is take _Hyuuga-fucking-Neji_ in a taijutsu spar."

"You don't _have_ to take him," I inform Kazu. "I'm actually planning for you to lose. You just need to last long enough to impress Gai."

Kazu groans. "That's _still_ hard."

Nori blinks. "Ume, _full_ offense — this sounds like an awful plan."

"We could wait a month before asking sensei for a C-rank instead, like I suggested."

…

I roll my eyes at their silence. "Yeah, I thought so."

"You still didn't answer my question, Ume."

I blink and look over at Kazu. "Hmm?"

He looks at me, eyes narrowed. "How does this help?"

I grin. "Kazu loses and declares himself Neji's eternal rival. Gai will eat that up, encourage it, bother sensei, and then sensei will get so sick of his presence that _he'll_ be begging for a C-rank by the end of the week."

Maybe. Kakashi might have more patience than that, but if the three of us are laying pressure on him for a C-rank it'll probably work.

Kazu doesn't look entirely on board with the plan, but if he has objections, he doesn't say anything.

Noriko sighs. "The end of the week, huh?"

I scowl. "These things take _time_. Just be patient for once?"

"Yeah, yeah."

"Sweet!" I clap my hands together and grin. "Sensei probably won't show up for another hour or four. Let's get Kazu beat up."

"Thanks for the show of support," he tells me. I merely get to my feet and hold out a hand. He pointedly ignores it and rises to his feet on his own.

We jog out of the training ground, Noriko trailing slightly behind, and begin our quest.

* * *

The plan works out as most of my plans do: that is to say, it's _almost_ perfect. We find Team Gai with plenty of time to spare. Gai is having them do an honestly inhuman amount of push-ups, and Neji is annoyed enough with everything to rise to Kazu's bait and attack first.

Kazu actually does better than I expect him to. He doesn't land any hits, but he dodges quite well - _and_ he got Neji to stumble over a rock, even if that was more accident than anything else. True to the plan, he yields with a furious yell and declares himself Neji's up-and-coming rival. While Neji scoffs, Gai is utterly taken with the 'passionate display of youth and courage'. By the time he learns that we're Kakashi's students, he's already planning for joint training and the creation of more opportunities for the rivals to face off.

Two things happen that I didn't see coming. The first is that Lee (still without a bowl cut or a green jumpsuit, _god_ that's weird) declares himself Kazu's rival in rivalry with Neji. Honestly, I'm not sure why I didn't see this coming, but it only solidifies the connection between Team Gai and Team Seven, so I don't complain.

The second is that Kakashi shows up.

Kazu's having an intensely uncomfortable time. Gai hugs him tight while crying passionate tears about his ardent ambition; his only consolation is that Neji looks even more pissed than when they started. Noriko and I are subtly trying to encourage Gai to follow us back to Training Ground Three so we can have our joint session today, and it's _almost_ working.

Then, out of nowhere, Gai's head snaps up like a bloodhound smelling its prey. That's our only warning before Kakashi-sensei materializes into existence right before our eyes and slips Kazu out of Gai's grip.

"The fuck?!" Kazu yells. He's tossed over Kakashi's shoulder, and he fruitlessly pounds on Kakashi's back. "Sensei! Let me down!"

"Kakashi, my rival!" Gai shouts. Tenten winces at the volume and Lee's eyes widen.

"Yo," comes the simple reply. "I see you've met my students."

Noriko rolls her eyes.

"Yes! Your amazing students!" Gai gushes. "Young Kazuki here truly has a heart of youth! You've brought out true passion in your students hearts! I will not be left behind!"

Tenten looks terrified at the sheer amount of enthusiasm radiating from the man, and I feel a little bad that this all stemmed from my plan. But not too bad — she'd get used to it eventually.

"Mmm, that's nice," Kakashi hums, his tone never rising above 'placating interest'. "Come, my dumb little genin."

"Sensei!" Kazu repeats. His legs kick in the air, but he doesn't land anything. Perks of being a genin. "Unhand me!"

Noriko turns a laugh into a cough and places herself next to Kakashi. "It's nice to see you before ten, sensei."

He turns to look at her, but can't seem to come up with a reply.

"Kakashi! We must have our teams train together! Kazuki, Lee, and Neji are —"

"No thanks," Kakashi cuts him off. "In fact, we're incredibly busy."

"Then perhaps next week —"

"Later."

He shunshins away, with Kazu. Noriko and I are left standing with Team Gai.

"Um," I say, intelligently.

Gai's eyes look suspiciously watery. "He's so cool."

"That is _not_ the word I would use, but okay," Noriko mutters, quietly enough that Gai can't hear it.

Tenten hears it, though, and coughs.

"We should, uh, go," I say. "It was nice to meet you, Gai-san. Neji, sorry about Kazu's — uh, you know."

He doesn't reply. I'm not sure what I expected: I'm the teammate and close friend of a guy who robbed the top seat in the Academy out from under his nose.

Lee and Tenten shoot me a sheepish smile. Noriko and I grin back before turning around and leaving their training area.

"Farewell," Gai calls out as we leave. "Lee, Tenten, Neji! We must work even harder to surpass Kakashi's team. Let's knock down a hundred trees with our fists alone!"

Lee is the only one who yells in agreement.

* * *

Noriko and I sprint over to Training Ground Three as quickly as we can. Considering Kakashi's interrogation of Noriko on the day of our genin test, it seems like the best course of action. When we arrive there, though, Kazu and Kakashi are sitting in silence. As we pull up, Kazu shoots me a glance, and then looks away just as quickly.

 _Oh no._

"You know, I was surprised to hear this," Kakashi tells us, once we're all together.

Noriko winces.

"I didn't think you three had it in you."

 _Hm?_

My eyes flicker over to Kazu again. He refuses to meet my gaze… but he doesn't look panicked, at least. Perhaps it's not as bad as I thought?

I close my eyes and pull on a shamed expression. I can practically feel the fear radiating from Noriko and mentally roll my eyes — two years in a ninja school and she never learned how to hide?

"You finally decided to stop waiting here for three hours."

"Um?" Noriko says.

"I was wondering if you would ever give up on it."

"You were wondering… if we would ever start ignoring your orders…" Noriko says, slowly.

Kakashi gives Noriko the fakest looking smile I've ever seen. "And you finally did, Noriko-chan!"

Not an interrogation. Not yet, at least. That's telling in itself, meaning that Kazu actually managed a decent lie, or that he delayed the oncoming storm.

While Noriko tries wrapping her head around the concept, I catch Kazu's eye and lift up an eyebrow.

He glances at Kakashi and then back at me, all the while chewing on his lip.

Ah, so he delayed. We aren't out of the woods yet.

"As punishment, we'll have to do D-ranks all day."

Noriko growls in the back of her throat — she is dead set on getting that C-rank — but she complies. Kazu sighs, and I sigh, already trying to weave excuses in my head to answer our sensei's future questions.

* * *

"What happened?" I whisper to him, as we pull weeds out of an old man's garden.

Kazu grimaces and flicks his eyes over to where Kakashi is sitting on a lawn chair. Reading _Icha Icha_ , naturally. Not sure what I expected.

Normally we just carry conversations without acting like we have something to hide. For the past two years it _seemed_ to have worked… but Kazu seems extra nervous. I need to talk to him so I can start planning, but that only leaves our worst actor to play distraction…

"Nori."

She looks back at me and scrunches her eyebrows together, not even having to ask for clarification. "How?"

I think of her pretending to fail the genin test, and the sarcasm that pops up at the most inopportune times. "Be annoying, you're good at that."

She scoffs, but at least the apprehension in her eyes lessens a little. "Yeah, whatever," she mutters. "Annoying. I can handle that."

Noriko subtly winds her way over to Kakashi's chair, pulling weeds as she goes. When she does get there, she starts slowing her work pace and glancing over at Kakashi until, after a couple minutes, she's just staring at him.

Kakashi looks over at her, silent.

"Is that book any good, sensei?" She asks. "You read it a lot."

Kakashi coughs. "Yeah, Noriko-chan. It's… good reading."

"What's it about?"

"Nothing you'd be interested in, kid."

"Really?"

She stands up and steps closer, squinting as though trying to make out the words.

There's a light flush on Kakashi's cheeks as he angles the pages away from her. Once he's thoroughly distracted with 'preserving Nori's innocence', Kazu opens his mouth.

"He wanted to know how we knew about Gai."

I mentally wince. Of _course_ Kakashi was there this morning, listening.

"... And I told him that you were the one who knew."

I'm glad that Kakashi can't read minds because I'm screaming in my brain so loud right now.

"It's fine," I mutter. "This is fine, it's fine. Way to throw me under the bus, Kazu, but whatever, I can handle it."

Kazu has the decency to look apologetic, but he shrugs. "I couldn't come up with a good enough excuse."

"Did you at least figure out how much he heard?"

"The whole conversation, pretty much," Kazu admits. "He told me that if I wanted to be a strong ninja, I would have to be more patient."

"Wonder what he thinks of Nori's reasons."

Kazu shrugs again.

"At least you directed him to me. I don't think she'd be able to handle another one-on-one interrogation with the guy."

He nods seriously. I smile back at him.

"Thanks for the heads up."

Some of the nervousness in Kazu loosens, and he pats me on the back. "You're the best, Ume."

I swat his arm away and raise my voice a little. "Your hands are filthy. Go back to pulling weeds."

I glance over at where Nori is attempting to read over Kakashi's shoulder. Her eyes flicker over to me, and I nod.

In response, Noriko's voice sounds out, loud and clear. "... Agonizingly slowly, Miko slipped out of her dress, revealing smooth, tanned skin and her voluptuous curves. Takeda swallowed and felt all his heat rush to his —"

" _Alright_ , that's _enough_ ," Kakashi chirps, closing the book and slipping it away into his pocket. "You have a mission!"

Noriko turns around and dutifully returns to the D-rank. With her back to Kakashi, she rolls her eyes at me.

 _Good?_ She mouths.

I grin back and wink.

Noriko smiles.

* * *

Once we're done with the weeds, Kakashi marches us to the Tower and specifically requests the Tora mission — saying, 'this is Noriko's punishment for invading my personal space.' It's hours before we find the cat, and then another hour of chasing her down. My arms are scratched and stinging by the time we're delivering the thing back to her owner.

Kazu and Noriko get dismissed after we report to the Hokage, and Kakashi asks me to stay for a second. The four of us stand just outside the Tower, near the Academy entrance, and I take care to shift a little nervously.

"We'll wait for you by the market," Noriko tells me. Kazu shoots me another apologetic look, and then the two of them are walking off, Noriko glancing worriedly over her shoulder.

Who does she think I am? I already know what to say. And even better — I'm taking inspiration from her; surely she'd get a kick out of that.

Kakashi doesn't pull out his porn, instead leveling a lazy gaze at me. "You been stalking me, Ume?"

I figure I should at least pretend to play dumb. "Huh?"

"Gai," he clarifies. "How'd you know so much about —" he makes a loose gesture. "You know."

I shift from foot to foot and look down at the ground. "Um. He's Neji's sensei, so…"

"Hmm? The Hyuuga?"

I nod and press my lips together, willing a blush to my cheeks.

"Because he's Kazu's rival, or...?"

"Because I - I, um…" I take a fortifying breath.

Kakashi waits patiently. I think of Noriko and yesterday's conversation, and I try to channel my inner fangirl.

 _"Iwannabehisfriend."_

"You wanna be his friend — _oh."_

His only visible eye widens in something close to panic, and I capitalize on the opportunity.

 _"Just_ friends, sensei!" I blurt out. I cross my arms and focus my eyes on the ground, shifting from foot to foot. Words spill out of my mouth, rambly and embarrassed. "He just — he works so hard but he seems so _lonely_ , and I just think maybe he's only mean because he doesn't have any friends —"

"That's enough, Ume. I get it."

"I don't — I don't _like_ like him," I continue, playing with the edges of my sleeves. "I mean, he's _cool_ , but it's, um! Please don't tell him, sensei! I don't —"

Kakashi's voice is a little strained. "I won't tell, Ume, you can just. _Go."_

I show him a relieved grin. "Thanks, sensei!" I gasp out. I have a split second to make a choice, and then I just decide to go for it.

I throw my arms around him. Kakashi stiffens under the contact, but I pretend not to notice.

"Ume —"

"Ah, sorry!" I squeak, and I let go, not even having to fake the embarrassment on my face. I intended it to be awkward, but even so... "Um."

He coughs and steps back. "Bye."

"Bye!"

I turn around and walk with a calculated speed — not quite running, but not too relaxed either. Embarrassed, but relieved. But just as the embarrassment isn't entirely fake, there's an element of truth to the relief too. I'm glad that conversation was as short as I expected. Also, I got to hug _Kakashi_ , which is an entire achievement in itself.

Ha. It's good that it went as smoothly as I planned, because if Kakashi fucked up that plan too I would have been annoyed.

* * *

"What'd you tell him?" Kazu asks me, when we're eating dinner in the corner of the orphanage dining hall. Noriko sits up and leans forward, worry in her eyes.

"I channeled my inner fangirl," I shrug. "Don't worry. It's fine."

The air of concern clears away. Noriko snorts. Kazu smiles and shakes his head.

"Never should've doubted you," he says, as he leans back in his seat.

It's not long before we finish shoveling down our admittedly small portion of food. Absently, I wonder how soon we'll get kicked out of the orphanage and have our own place. I think genin are technically adults (or was that a fanon thing?), but we're also twelve and don't quite have a stable income yet… is it even allowed for the orphanage to turn ninja out on the streets?

… Should I be worried about this?

"I guess this means we aren't getting a C-rank anytime soon," Noriko complains, swirling her chopsticks around an empty bowl.

"Probably not," Kazu sighs.

"Well, maybe," I think aloud. "Gai will still hound us about rivalry and stuff. Just because sensei _knows_ doesn't mean it won't work."

"Huh," Noriko says.

"But I'm still going to say, 'I told you so'."

Noriko grimaces. "Ugh, you're right. We should have listened to you. Sorry for getting all obsessive and stubborn."

"Apology accepted," I grin. "You two will just have to chalk it up to being over-enthusiastic genin. I suppose that makes me the fangirl."

Noriko laughs. "Out of the three of us, you were always the fangirl."

Kazu jabs his chopsticks into his bowl and sighs. "I'm sure _Neji_ will like that."

Noriko frowns while I roll my eyes.

"I won't be an _annoying_ fangirl," I try to defend myself. "And it's not like I have a crush on him."

At that last bit, I glare pointedly at Noriko. She shrugs, and I sigh. It's not _Neji_ that I have a crush on, but I doubt Noriko will ever let it go.

Kazu laughs and moves his chopsticks, chasing one last grain of rice around the bowl. "That'd make things awkward."

"I mean. He is cool, but that stuff happens _later."_

Noriko shakes her head.

"Whatever," I groan, when I realize she isn't going to revoke that particular accusation.

"I wonder when Kakashi-sensei will actually give us a C-rank," Kazu wonders aloud.

"Hopefully soon," Noriko says, staring at her empty bowl. "You need at least two successful C-ranks or an equivalent number of D-ranks to qualify for the Chuunin Exams."

"Really?" I blink. "Where'd you hear that?"

"Around," she says. "I asked you three days ago if you wanted to go investigate with me."

Oh, right. I had turned her down: Kazu and I had ended up sparring in an empty training ground. He'd been helping me practice my hand-to-hand throws, and in exchange, I acted as a moving target for his shuriken practice.

"Find a career genin or something?" Kazu asks.

"Yep," Noriko answers. "The first test is almost always something subtle. Second test is usually team combat. Third test is tournament style. And _this_ year's exam is going to be in Kumo."

"Kumo," I echo. "That makes sense. I was hoping for home ground, but obviously that'll be next year…"

"It just makes it that much harder," Noriko scowls. "Getting permission for a rookie team to try out for the exams is one thing, but getting permission to try out for the exams in _Kumo?_ Next to impossible."

I can see her knuckles turning white as she clenches her chopsticks. I swallow nervously.

"Let's just go to sleep," I say. "One thing at a time, right?"

"I thought you liked plans," she says, somewhat weakly. She agitatedly runs a hand through her hair and keeps her eyes trained on her bowl.

Kazuki and I exchange a glance. I think of our conversation from last night.

 _Is it stupid that I'm having a lot of fun with this?_

Noriko likes Naruto, too. We have to get her to loosen up, or she's going to snap from the pressure.

"Nori," I say, thinking hard. "Tomorrow, before sensei shows up, do you wanna visit the Hokage Mountain?"

"Huh?"

"You know," Kazu chimes in. "Ninja Rushmore."

"We can watch the sunrise or something," I suggest. "You're a morning person, right?"

Nori cracks a grin and snorts. "Climb the mountain in time to catch the sunrise? Neither of you are going to wake up on time."

"We can wake up."

She side-eyes me at that, and I. Well...

"We'd try," Kazu offers, when I can't find an honest reply.

She laughs at that, her amused grin shifting into a more sincere expression. "I know what you two are doing," she informs me.

"Is it working?" I ask.

She smiles and looks back down at her bowl. "Yeah, maybe a little."

"Good," I say. "We'll get that C-rank, Noriko. As soon as possible, I promise."

She nods back, her eyes grateful.

* * *

Noriko wakes us up before the ass-crack of dawn to take the scenic route up the mountain. It's kind of awful, but it's also kind of great, too.

She sits on the Nidaime's head, quietly content as the sun rises. Though we're both half-asleep, Kazu and I exchange a satisfied fist bump and slump our backs against a rock.

Fifteen minutes later, she cheerfully shakes us awake to start hiking down the mountain, her dark eyes looking much less bitter than they were last night.

* * *

 _"My eternal rival!_ It's a beautiful day for our teams to work together, isn't it?"

Kakashi sighs heavily — it's been a couple of days since we first put this plan into motion, and Gai has tracked us down three times to request joint training. He puts his hands on my shoulders and pushes, forcing me to walk faster. Noriko and Kazu pick up their paces in order to keep up.

"You should take up his offer," Nori says, shamelessly hammering in the point. "Or we could. Leave the village or something."

He already knows that this was our plan, so there's no point in hiding our intentions to get a C-rank. I'm still not sure if that will help or harm our chances, but it is what it is.

Kakashi grunts in lieu of a response and abruptly steers us out of Training Ground Three.

"Kakashi!"

Despite Gai's increasing volume, Kakashi remains unruffled. I have to admire his ability to _ignore_ Gai. It's an impossible task, in my opinion. I can hear him gearing up for a dramatic challenge from the other side of the grounds.

"I hope you're happy," he tells me. "You've brought this down on all of us."

"Maybe it's a good thing," Kazu comments, half-devious and half-sincere. "I bet Gai-sensei would train us better than you."

Noriko's face goes blank as she imagines training with Gai.

"I can accept, if you insist," Kakashi informs us. "Would you like to use your pinky fingers to lift hundred-pound weights?"

I wince and shake my head.

"Thought not."

We end up at some other training ground entirely, and, for the _billionth_ time, he has us spar while he shouts cryptic suggestions from the sidelines. It's not exactly the most effective way to learn, but it's what we have. Team Seven made a good showing at their Chuunin Exams, and they likely had this same type of training. Hopefully we'll learn enough in the time we have to do better.

Judging by the impatient and frustrated expressions on my teammates' faces, though, they aren't nearly as optimistic.

We take a break for lunch, as usual, followed by a trip to the Tower to pick up another mission.

I pick dirt out from under my fingernails while Kakashi talks to the ninja at the missions desk. "I hope it's not weeding again."

"Ugh, same, I _hate_ those," Noriko groans.

Kazu snorts. "You two just hate bugs."

"They're gross!" I insist.

"They don't need that many legs," Nori mutters. "Why do they have that many legs?"

Kazu just grins and rolls his eyes at us.

We stand rather awkwardly while the conversation between Kakashi and the mission desk ninja continues on. Kakashi's got his customary slouch fully in place, and the mission desk ninja looks irritated.

And then suddenly, I hear the phrase 'C-rank mission' uttered.

Next to me, Noriko's back straightens up like she just got struck by lightning. Kazu breathes in sharply.

Kakashi turns around and looks at us, his half-lidded eyes annoyingly unreadable.

"Hope you're happy," he informs us. "We've got a C-ranked escort mission."

"What? Why?" Nori says, because she's the type of person who questions good luck.

"Why don't you thank Ume for that?" he drawls. He tosses the mission folder to me, and I catch it, eyes wide. For a moment, I simply stare at the folder in my hand.

"Well?" Nori demands.

Dutifully, I open it up. Kazu and Noriko read over my shoulder. It's an out-of-village escort mission, simple enough. The mission itself seems to have been posted a few days ago. He could have chosen this on a whim — or, he's had this particular one in mind and had it flagged for us. There's no way to tell.

I glance up at Kakashi, who doesn't seem at all concerned about this turn of events. Sure, this may have been part of my plan, but I didn't expect it to actually work. We've been his Genin for a _week_. Why is he letting this happen?

… He's not even _looking_ at us right now.

"Don't let me down," he says, already starting to walk out of the Tower. Damn his infuriating slouch, because it gives absolutely nothing away.

Not knowing what else to do, I nod.


	3. KAZUKI: Dangerous Discoveries

**WARNING for graphic violence and contemplation of the morality of being a ninja.**

 **Also, this is in Kazu's POV!**

* * *

Here's the thing: I'm not an idiot.

Sure, I'm no Ume, with her head for planning and her ability to talk circles around nearly everyone. I'm not even like Noriko, who, despite her generally laid-back attitude, has a terrifyingly sharp focus when she needs it.

What I have isn't cerebral. It's instinct, and I know in my gut that this mission isn't at _all_ what it appears to be.

Ume thinks, somehow, that her plan to manipulate Kakashi into taking us on this C-rank worked, and she can't figure out why. She thinks that Kakashi is humoring us, or that maybe he's onto something and is using this mission to get us to slip up.

She's wrong.

This mission is an escort to the Land of Waves — a different type of escort, yes, but it's still eerily similar to a certain manga we all enjoyed, and I'm the only one who's hearing the alarm bells ring.

Getting summoned to this world in the same year as Team Gai, getting assigned to _Kakashi_ , and now this. There's absolutely no way _everything_ can be coincidence.

I watch quietly as Noriko and Ume chat with the client. Our client is a well-mannered Konoha scholar carrying out scientific research in Wave. He's about as far off as you can get from the dick Team Seven was assigned to in the manga. But I can't shake the feeling.

"Nervous, Kazuki?"

Kakashi-sensei's holding his well-worn copy of _Icha Icha_ , as usual, but his uncovered eye is focused on me and not on the pages, for once.

Honestly, I don't think I've held his full attention since he interrogated me about Ume's plan. It's disconcerting how much ominous energy is packed into that one-eyed gaze.

"I have a bad feeling about this," I inform him.

"Is that so?"

"Yeah," I say, and I almost explain my reasoning before realizing I can't exactly say that 'this lines up suspiciously well with a story I know, also I'm from another dimension'. Instead, I look back to where the client is telling Nori and Ume a little about the history of the Land of Waves, and I frown. "I don't know sensei. This doesn't feel like our other missions."

"It's a C-rank," Kakashi-sensei points out. "Of course it's different than pulling weeds."

I shake my head. "I just feel like there's _more_ to this mission."

He falls silent at that. I look over at him, but he's not looking at me anymore, just at his book.

"Hold onto that feeling," he says. His voice is pitched low, so that Nori and Ume and the client can't hear it. "Gut feelings save lives, in my experience."

Despite myself, my back straightens a little.

"Keep an eye out for your teammates."

"Yes, sensei."

He turns the page in his book, and I look back at where the girls are chatting with the client. I cross my arms.

I really, really don't like this. But I don't exactly have a choice.

* * *

It's a long walk to the coast. Hours go by. Nothing happens. Unfortunately, this doesn't calm my growing sense of paranoia.

Ume, ever the conversationalist, chats easily with Fuji-san. Her small talk has long since shifted into an actual conversation — I can't even follow what they're saying anymore. The scholar rambles on about acidity levels and soil quality, and Ume contributes as best as she can. Noriko isn't really focusing on their talk; she's counting the number of birds she sees under her breath.

My eyes keep darting around, trying to look for anything out of place, but I'm not even sure I know what to focus on. I flex and stretch my fingers as we walk along, mentally running through hand seals.

(Call me a weeb, but I've had the signs for the Great Fireball jutsu memorized for years. It was the first thing I tried to do when we arrived here, and I only figured it out completely a few months ago.)

Noriko's counting is in the thirties, now. Her lips move silently as a flock of crows flies overhead, and she absent-mindedly twirls a kunai around her finger.

I sniff the air, trying to catch a whiff of the ocean we _have_ to be approaching soon, but all I smell is dirt and sweat.

… Man, the manga always made sensing things look so easy.

After a few minutes, I end up staring at the client. Fuji-san certainly looks the part of a scientist — round glasses, weird sense of fashion, and a respectable air about him. His skin is deeply tanned, but then again, he's a field biologist, so that checks out.

He gesticulates wildly, trying to get a point across to Ume. His hands are rough and calloused, and a thin scar slices across his left palm. I wonder where it's from.

 _"Get down."_

Out of nowhere, Kakashi shoves me down to the ground. I yelp as my elbows hit the dirt, and then flinch as a needle embeds itself into the ground beside me.

 _Holy shit,_ I think. _What the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck —_

Heart racing, I roll over, fumbling with my weapon pouch. I pull out two shuriken and look around wildly.

"Kazu!" Ume calls out. She and Nori are standing on either side of Fuji-san, both of them holding out kunai.

"I'm fine!" I yell back, still trying to process the action.

Kakashi is fighting two people at once, easily keeping up with their attacks. I watch for a moment, transfixed, when a sudden hand on my shoulder startles me out of inaction.

I turn around swinging, but Nori just shoves my fist away, her dark eyes blazing with impatience.

"Get _up!"_

I get up.

Kakashi slices one of his attackers in the arm. Nori's grip tightens on her kunai. The scholar shivers, protectively huddled between the three of us. Ume's breathing comes out shallow and quick, like she's trying and failing to keep her breath in sync with her heartbeat. Little details spring out at me, but my hearing seems muffled by the blood rushing through my ears.

I end up focusing back on Kakashi's fight. His movements are fluid, calculated, free of unnecessary flourish. The pair of ninja fighting him struggle against him, and it really sinks in, _this is Hatake Kakashi, the Copy Ninja, Rokudaime._ He's just _that_ good — up until he isn't.

The shout of alarm is half-caught in my throat as one of his opponents runs through a series of hand seals — a very _specific_ series of hand seals. Kakashi doesn't notice, it's happening in his blind spot, and his attacker lifts a hand up to his mouth in a familiar gesture. Someone shouts.

Kakashi goes up in flames.

"Sensei!?" Ume shrieks out, panicked.

I take a half step forward, the residual heat from the fireball licking at my skin. A thumping noise sounds around me, and it takes a second to recognize the rhythm as my own erratic heartbeat.

 _Adrenaline,_ I think almost absently, calling up knowledge I barely remember. _Causes increased heart rate and a temporary boost in strength and pain tolerance, can cloud one's focus. Released by the adrenal glands in stressful, exciting, or dangerous situations —_

The ninja that just got Kakashi turns to me and rushes forward. Instinctively, I flinch, turning away, even as some part of my brain _screams_ to fight back, to fight against my own reflexes —

Noriko lunges forward, kunai in hand, and stabs right below their ribs.

The assailant doubles over, but Noriko's already planned her next move. Her knee swings up, nailing them right in the nose, and she takes advantage of their surprise by slicing their throat. Red gushes out of their neck with surprising force. There's a main artery there, I think between breaths, that's why the flow is so messy and strong —

"Ume, your right!"

At Nori's voice, Ume shakes off her stupor and dodges a slash from a third intruder. She twirls the kunai in her hand and knocks them in the head with the hilt. I take a step closer to Fuji-san, my two shuriken still in my hand.

Nori suddenly jumps in front of me and kicks out someone's knees — Kakashi's second opponent. She lunges. They scream.

Then she turns around to face me, and all I can see is how red her hands are, the splotches of blood on her face —

 _"Kazu,"_ she snaps out. "Snap out of it!"

My focus clears, and suddenly I can hear again. Footsteps, hitting dirt.

Behind Noriko, another assailant slips into view, and before I can think, I throw the shuriken in my hand.

They land where I aim them — one in the eye, the other in their throat. A voice cries out in pain, and Nori whips her head around just in time to watch the assailant drop to the ground.

"You good?" She grunts out, not taking her eyes off the body.

"Yeah," I manage, shaking off the last of the haze. My eyes are blown wide, and my heart is pounding out of my chest, but— "Yeah, I'm good."

She nods at me once and turns her attention away.

I take a quick look at Fuji-san, still alive, still shivering behind us. Ume is closest to him, tense, eyes flickering around the scene, _waiting_ for another attack. I watch for a moment, and when nothing happens, I let out a breath. Then I turn my attention back to where Kakashi was once standing.

There's no body, and I gaze, uncomprehending.

"Hm. Not bad."

I turn to my left. Kakashi is there, not a hair out of place, and he stands with that familiar slouch as he pokes one of Noriko's kills with his toe.

"Sensei!" Ume gasps out. "You're alive!"

"Took you long enough," Noriko says, and I'm trying to figure out how she's taking this so calmly. "They didn't stop after you poofed away."

Kakashi's lone eye lingers on Noriko's face, devoid of expression. The moment of silence doesn't last as long as I think it does.

"No, they didn't," he agrees. His eyes flicker between Noriko's face and the shivering scholar behind her. "Which means they weren't after me."

* * *

Kakashi grills the client for answers, and the three of us huddle together. Noriko tries to wipe the blood off her hands using her pants, but instead ends up smearing it everywhere.

"This is gonna stain," she complains, oblivious to the way Ume and I are just staring her. It's just… so _red._

"Are you two okay?" Nori asks, eyebrows knitting together in concern.

I open my mouth to answer, but Ume beats me to it.

"Are _you_ okay?" She blurts out. "You just — you, you." She huffs and looks back at where the skirmish had occurred, but turns away just as quickly. "They're _dead?"_

Noriko blinks, like that hadn't even occurred to her.

I close my eyes. The image of my shuriken landing right in the man's right eye flashes past, and I force my eyes open. His eyes were blue.

"Okay," Noriko says, after a moment.

Ume grits her teeth at her lack of reaction. "What, is that all?"

"You killed someone too," Noriko reminds her, and Ume flinches back like she's been slapped. She pulls her sleeves over her hands, hiding the hint of red under her nails.

"We're _ninja_ , Ume. What do you think that means?"

"I know," Ume says. "I know, but —" her fingers curl. "I know."

The uncomfortable silence increases in length. Nori's eyes start to twitch, Ume's lips are wobbling, and that's when I decide to step in.

"They weren't after Kakashi-sensei," I speak up, changing the subject.

Noriko killed someone, we all _killed_ someone. _I_ killed someone. I'm going to process that later. For now, though —

"Don't you think that this is too… convenient?"

Ume blinks and frowns, thrown off. "What do you mean?"

I wave my hands. "I mean —"

I mean that, we have an escort mission to Wave and our client potentially lied to us. I mean that, despite the shock, despite the way I froze, this mission _is too similar to the storyline._ What were the chances we were on a team together? What were the chances we got assigned Kakashi as a sensei? What were the chances that Kakashi let us out on a C-rank a week and a half after passing the bell test, what were the chances we ended up on a mission _just like this?_

Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action and all that jazz.

"Why are _we_ here?" I finish, unable to articulate the whole reasoning.

"Do you think sensei…" Ume trails off and looks back at Kakashi, still talking to the client. "He took this mission. On purpose."

 _He definitely suspects something,_ I think. "... But why hasn't he said anything?"

"You're panicking again," Noriko says, after a pause. "He's a troll, we _know_ this."

"What, he gave us a C-rank just to mess with us?" I say.

Ume looks pained. "I can't think of anything else."

Ume needs to start thinking of the big picture. She didn't get us this C-rank. Hell, I don't even know if _Kakashi_ got us this C-rank.

Noriko crosses her arms. "Have you ever considered that we just have really shitty luck?"

"If anything, you should be the most worried," I snap. "I thought you were scared —" I cut myself off. _About being found out._

Nori shrugs, but she refuses to meet my eyes. She is scared, I realize, scared of what all these 'coincidences' could mean. She's just in denial.

The subject drops.

Kakashi finishes up his interrogation of the client. Apparently Fuji-san's little research trip is unsanctioned by his superiors. He suspects pollution in Wave's waters due to illegal and unsavory shipping practices, and he wants to prove it, but his boss had been paid off to keep any evidence from getting out. Hence, the assailants. The reasoning seems a little weak, but then again Naruto is just one of those insane stories, so who's to say?

Still...

"Well," Kakashi says. "Not my problem. This is a B-ranked mission. You lied to us and broke our contract, so we're under no obligation to escort you all the way to Wave. Goodbye."

"What?!" Noriko yelps. "But sensei —"

"What?"

Noriko stiffens under Kakashi's apathetic gaze, sputtering uselessly.

"Shouldn't we finish the mission?" She says. "I mean, we came all this way."

"Noriko-chan, I am _well_ aware that you wanted this C-rank," Kakashi says, looking toward the sky like he's asking it for patience. "We can get another, _actual_ C-rank. This is above your capabilities."

"I handled it," Noriko insists. "We're ready."

Kakashi considers her. _"You're_ ready," he acknowledges, but then he looks over at Ume and me.

Still breathing hard. Still jittery. My hands are free of blood, but they're still shaking. I fight to keep them still. Fight to repress everything I'm feeling.

I'd rather think about the potential conspiracies surrounding our existence, but when my eyes meet Kakashi's, I flinch.

I _killed_ someone. I _froze_.

Suddenly, I can't look him in the eye anymore.

"You're ready, Noriko," Kakashi says. "They're not."

* * *

Because Fuji-san is, in fact, a Konoha citizen, Kakashi invites him to join us on the journey home for his own safety, though he makes it clear that heading to Wave is out of the question. Unsurprisingly, Fuji accepts the offer.

This time, there are no chattering conversations, no attempts to bond with the client. I wish it weren't so silent, because the silence makes my brain wander and my brain keeps wandering back to the same scene.

The phantom weight of the shuriken in my hand. The flick of my wrist. The gurgling gasp escaping my victim's throat. I must have thrown it harder than I thought, if he just dropped to the ground like that. No struggle. The scene plays in my head, over and over and over.

 _You're ready, Noriko. But they're not._

Embarrassment rises up within me. _My dream is to become the strongest shinobi in the world._ What a fucking joke.

The thing is, Kakashi is right. I'm not ready. Alright, fair. I froze when we got attacked and I can't get past the fact that I killed a guy. Not exactly B-rank material here.

I cross my arms and look over at Noriko, curious. We all started on the same page. How is she taking this so well? She killed two people, got up close and personal. Her clothes are still coated with dried blood, and she just keeps walking.

Eventually, the sun starts dipping down. Shadows grow. We make a simple camp in a small clearing, and Fuji-san rolls himself up in his bedroll and falls asleep before the stars are visible.

Ume and I eat protein bars and stare at our campfire. The heat reminds me of the fireball that Kakashi used as his smokescreen, and just then it clicks — why Noriko wasn't surprised by Kakashi's 'death'. That happened in the manga, too. It doesn't comfort me, though, just adds to the long list of reasons why this mission _wrong_ somehow.

Noriko joins us at the campfire, sitting across from Ume and I. She's since washed the blood off her hands and face, but I can still see the smear on her pants. She opens up her own protein bar and starts eating without hesitation, casual. She's never been good at hiding her stress, which means that she's either repressing the hell out of her emotions or she's worked through it. Her shoulders are loose and relaxed, so despite how weird it seems, it might even be the latter.

After another minute of silence, Kakashi completes our circle around the campfire. He sits down on a patch of dirt, not quite next to Noriko but not quite next to Ume and I, either. His _Icha Icha_ is tucked away, out of sight, and he looks at us, one by one.

"So," he says. "First kill."

Ume twists her hands in her lap. "Is it… is it always like that?" She asks. "So… red?"

Looking back, I didn't actually see Ume kill her opponent. I know she knocked them in the head with the hilt of her kunai. I try to remember what the fourth body looked like, but come up blank. Did she stab them in the chest? Throat? Head?

"Depends," Kakashi says. "Aim a little lower next time. It gets messy when you try to pull your kunai out of their ribs."

Ah. She went for the heart, but forgot about the bones. That's equal parts alarming and comforting.

"Next time," Ume says, voice rough.

"There _will_ be a next time," Kakashi tells her. "This is what you signed up for."

"Yeah," she says. "I just… I don't know what I expected." She takes a shaky breath.

At that, Kakashi's eyes soften. "I know it's difficult," he says. "But remember — it was you or them, Ume. And — this goes for _all_ of you — I want you to choose yourself and your teammates every time."

Ume swallows. "Protect our precious people."

"Yes," Kakashi says. "We're a team, now, and that means we look out for each other."

Ume doesn't look _better_ , but she doesn't look any worse either. When she speaks again, her voice is only a few degrees above a whisper. "Thanks, sensei."

"Does it get easier?" I ask, and then frown. That's not quite what I meant — it was easy to just throw those shuriken. Like hitting a target.

Kakashi stares at me, and I shift under his scrutinizing gaze. "Yes," he says. "We'll work on controlling your reactions. You froze."

I duck my head. "Yeah, I did…"

"It's normal," Kakashi assures me. "The first time is always the worst. Now that you know what to expect, it'll be easier to work through the haze."

How _he_ would know, I have no clue. He grew up during a war, _and_ he was a prodigy. But he sounds confident in that.

I finally lift up my gaze and meet his eyes.

"You'll have to work hard if you want to reach your dream," he tells me.

"I know," I say. I force my shoulders to drop, but even just the physical action sends relief through my body. _It'll get easier._ "I will."

With that, Kakashi turns to Noriko.

"You were quick."

"Er, thanks?" she says. "I mean. They were coming for us, I just, uh. Did what I had to, I guess."

Kakashi's gaze continues to linger on her, and she awkwardly breaks eye-contact.

"How are you feeling?"

"About killing?" Nori stammers. "Well. It was them or me. It's not — I'm not torn? Not that I liked killing them, I just had to."

"Hm." Kakashi says. "What do you remember about it?"

I narrow my eyes.

Nori chews on the inside of her mouth. "There were two of them? There was blood, I stabbed them — I don't know, it was kind of a blur."

"A blur," Kakashi repeats.

 _This is a very specific line of questioning,_ I think to myself.

"Have you killed before, Noriko?" Kakashi asks.

Ume and I stiffen at the question, but that's nothing compared to the way Noriko chokes on her protein bar and starts coughing and hacking. Fuji-san rolls over in his bedroll.

Kakashi snorts in amusement.

"No!" Nori exclaims, showing more emotion with that one word than she had during the entire four hours since the skirmish. "I haven't — _no!_ Geez, that's not funny, sensei."

Kakashi studies her face. Nori is all genuine shock and affront. I can't tell if her open book of a face works for her or against her.

"I haven't killed anyone," she insists. "That was… that was a first."

"I noticed _you_ didn't freeze." Kakashi continues to press. "Weren't you scared?"

Ume and I exchange a look. Where is he going with this?

"I mean, I _was_ scared. Should I have been _more_ scared?" Nori asks with some mix of confusion and nervousness.

"I don't know," Kakashi says. He sits completely still as he stares her down. I look at him, then at Noriko, and then back at Kakashi. He clearly suspects _something_ , has some theory that we're not privy to.

 _How are you feeling? What do you remember about it?_

It occurs to me that the Noriko was the first one he checked on after the encounter. Noriko is the one getting prodded and questioned. Noriko is ready, Noriko is the one he keeps his eye on, as if, as if…

All of a sudden, the pieces click together.

 _He asked me about Sasuke, she'd said._

Kakashi hasn't been watching her face. He's been watching her _eyes._

* * *

Nori knocks out first, as usual, and Ume, though antsy, is tired enough that she falls asleep quickly, too.

But I end up staring at the sky for a long time. When I can't take it anymore, I quietly get out of my bedroll and join Kakashi by the crackling campfire.

"Can't sleep, Kazuki?" He asks, light and easy. He's reading _Icha Icha_ again, which is almost comforting after the events of the day.

"Is she an Uchiha?" I ask quietly, cutting straight to the chase.

He actually looks up at me when I say that, clearly startled by the question. "What makes you say that?"

"A lot of things," I say, crossing my arms. "Is she?"

Kakashi sighs and closes his book. He stares at the fire, long enough that I think he's just going to ignore the question.

And then he turns to me. " _Suspected_ Uchiha," he says, and it's my turn to be startled by his apparent honesty. "It was never confirmed, and we don't have any way to verify it now. The only way to know for sure is if she activates the Sharingan, and that still might not be possible for her."

"So she doesn't know," I say, because if Noriko was supposed to know this, then we were screwed from the beginning.

Kakashi just stares at me.

"Right?"

Kakashi shrugs. "No point in telling her uncertainties, and until we know for sure, it's safer this way."

Oh, thank God. I can only imagine how she'd react to the news — panic? Excitement? Fear? For someone so single-minded, she's oddly unpredictable at times.

Kakashi's eye pins me down. "Are you going to tell her?"

"Not if you don't want me to."

"Then it's probably for the best we keep this between us," he tells me.

I nod. "Because of Uchiha Itachi."

"You're well informed."

"I pay attention," I say. Even though Itachi was something I've known about for a long time, it's still not a lie. "People don't watch what they say around dumb orphan kids."

"Huh," is all he has to say to that. He looks at me with some weird, unidentifiable expression, and I have no idea what he's thinking.

Still, I straighten my back. I'd _surprised_ him. Maybe I have a shot at being a decent ninja after all.

"Get some rest, Kazu," he says, turning back to his book. "We'll be walking all day tomorrow."

"Good night, sensei," I say. "And… thanks for telling me."

"I didn't tell you anything you didn't already know," Kakashi drawls, dismissive. He waves me off, and I return to my bedroll.

After that, I dream of blue and red eyes staring me down from all sides.

* * *

We recount the events of our not-quite C-rank for our mission reports. We also get paid extra because Fuji-san got in trouble for lying about his mission. None of us really know what to do with the money, so we end up saving it and hiding it in various locations around the orphanage and on our person.

The whole time, I watch Noriko. I don't tell her anything, because she sucks at lying, and it's... weird. She looks _vaguely_ like an Uchiha — but then again, the same could be said for anyone with dark hair, pale skin, and darker eyes. We didn't come here before the Massacre, so I don't have a frame of reference other than Sasuke, and they don't look at all alike despite their similar coloring.

She doesn't _seem_ any different. She's just as focused on getting home, just as sarcastic and casual as she's always been. She bothers Kakashi about getting another C-rank, and he always dodges the question.

I don't like how he does that — it makes me nervous about why he accepted the other one in the first place.

"Kazu."

Ume is stretching her legs when she speaks up, quietly enough that Kakashi and Nori can't hear us. The other members of our team are sparring, one-on-one, again, and even if I know that it's because she may or may not have a Sharingan, it doesn't make it any less annoying to see Kakashi focus on her.

"Yeah?"

"I'm worried about Noriko," Ume says, chewing on her lower lip.

I look at her, and wonder if Ume's figured it out, too. "What about her?"

"It's just — she hasn't. She hasn't reacted at all to, you know, _killing people?"_

Okay, so maybe she hasn't figured it out. "It's been a couple days since then," I say, wondering why she's bringing this up now.

"Yeah, _a couple days_ , and she hasn't had a nightmare, or an outburst, or anything like that," Ume insists. "Isn't that kind of weird? She slit someone's throat and stabbed the other guy in the face."

I shrug, uncomfortable. I've mostly come to terms with the fact that I've killed someone, and I've accepted that I'd have to do it again, but I can still replay the kill with concerning clarity as I fall asleep at night.

"She might be having nightmares," I point out. "If she's quiet, it's not like we'd notice."

Ume just stares at me, stony. "I'd definitely have noticed," she says. "She's been sleeping as soundly as she ever has."

"Shit, Ume," I say, alarmed. "You're not staying up just to see if she has nightmares, are you?"

"No!" Ume says, rolling her eyes. She presses her lips together.

I study her more carefully. Her normally silky hair is mussed up, and there's bags under her eyes.

"Oh," I say, and my stomach swoops with guilt. I've been so focused on Noriko and how much Kakashi favors her that I haven't noticed how badly Ume is taking it. "You could've woken me up."

"You need sleep, too," she grumbles.

 _"You_ need sleep," I say.

"I don't get how she can just let it go," she says. "Even you, _you_ had a reaction."

"Well —"

"I bet she's bottling it up," she says. "Repressing. Surely she has to be feeling something."

I clear my throat. "This isn't about Nori, is it?"

Ume glares at me.

"You can talk to me, you know," I offer.

I mean, I can't guarantee I'll be of any actual help. Feelings are not my forté. But Ume is one of my closest friends, and I'm one of the two people that can completely understand what she's going through.

"Whatever," she mumbles. "It just takes time, right? I'm fine, I'll be fine."

Her dismissal is as relieving as it is worrying. On the bright side, she drops the topic and we begin to spar —

* * *

— Except she didn't actually drop it, and instead confronts Nori on our walk back to the orphanage.

"Noriko, are you okay?"

I resist the urge to slam my hand into my face. Ume's normally so eloquent and subtle about this kind of stuff, it's what I like about her — but she loses her touch when she has a personal stake in things.

"Yeah, my shoulder's fine," Noriko responds, blundering past the subject with the awareness of a drunk sloth. "Sensei didn't hit me that hard."

"Not that," Ume says. "I mean, how are you doing?"

"... Fine?" Noriko says. "Maybe a little tired?"

"Tired," Ume says, flatly.

"Can you just get to the point?" Nori asks, annoyance leaking into her voice.

"How are you dealing with the C-rank this well?" Ume snaps. "How can you just — shrug it off? Like it didn't happen? Like you didn't just —" she cuts off and stares at her hands.

"Oh, that," Nori says, and her tone is so flat and blasé that it starts to piss me off too. "I mean. It's not like it matters."

At that, both Ume and I stop walking. Nori looks back at us with a vacant curiosity.

"'Matters'?" I echo.

"That C-rank isn't going to make a difference in the long run," Nori says.

"You _are_ bottling it up," Ume declares. Nori bristles at the accusation.

I don't get how someone so smooth can be an utter disaster when it comes to confronting her friends.

"There's nothing to bottle up," Noriko says. "I was in danger. I reacted. It was self-defense."

"We killed people!" Ume says.

"Aren't we ninja?" Noriko says, rolling her eyes.

"How can this not bother you?" Ume cries out. "You didn't react. You just, just _stabbed_ _them_ like it was nothing, washed the blood off of your hands like —"

"It doesn't matter," Noriko snaps, "because I'm _handling_ it. _You_ clearly aren't."

Ume finally shuts her mouth at that.

"I'm going to the library," Noriko growls. " _Don't_ follow me."

She storms off, fuming, and Ume and I are left standing in the road.

"Well, that went exactly how I thought it would," I say.

Ume whirls around and glares. "What, you really think she's just 'handling' it?"

"I don't know, but she's right about you," I say.

"I'm worried about her!"

I cross my arms. "Are you bothering her because you're worried, or because you want to help 'fix' someone as a coping mechanism?"

Ume's face turns red.

"We killed people," I say. "And yeah, it bothered me. It _bothers_ me. But we're here, we're ninja, and _this_ is how the world works now. It's adapt, or die, and I'm _not_ going to die."

Ume breathes in. "I don't want either of you to die."

"So this is what we have to do."

If we want to be strong, if we want to survive, we're going to need to dedicate ourselves all the way. I froze on that mission. And if I have any choice in the matter, that's never going to happen again.

If everything around us is rigged, I want to be able to fight back.

She shakes her head and exhales, and the last of the fight drains out of her frame.

"I don't like it," she says.

I think for a moment. "You've got good chakra control," I say. "And you know a bit about healing. You could be a medic, try to heal instead of harm."

Ume tilts her head at that, considering. "Yeah."

I press my lips together. "Ume —"

"I'll apologize," she cuts me off. "Later, when she's cooled off."

I look her over one last time. The tired frown on her lips only makes the bags under her eyes look worse, and her eyes themselves look a million miles away. "You're gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. I think… I think I just need time." She looks so vulnerable. I want to reach out and grab her hand, but stop myself at the last moment.

"... You're not gonna do anything stupid, are you?"

Ume barks out a laugh and shakes her head. "No. I won't. And… thanks, Kazu."

We don't speak again for the rest of the day, just walk back to the orphanage in silence. Noriko comes back a few hours later, eyes still cold but much less touchy, and Ume quietly asks if she can talk to her, alone.

I wait in our shared room, and when they come back, the air isn't nearly as charged as it was earlier. Nori falls asleep, and Ume lies awake, and I roll over and face away from them, pretending that I wasn't worried about how it would turn out.

The girls are fine, or _will_ be fine. Maybe. There's still Ume's struggles, and Noriko's whole Uchiha thing, and whatever the hell is going on with Kakashi, and...

I still have this _feeling_. Even with the C-rank being over and done with. I can't shake the feeling that the danger hasn't passed.

 _Gut feelings save lives,_ Kakashi had said. But only if you can react in time.

Only if, when the next time danger rears its head — I somehow manage not to _freeze_.

* * *

 **Kazuki held me at gunpoint and demanded to be written as a serious character lol**

 **fair warning: this story is going to occasionally dip into some darker territory, but it probably won't get worse than this. It's like... a train wreck in slow motion. A juggler dropping all the knives.**


	4. NORIKO: Decrypting the Dead

**NOTE: This is NORIKO'S POV!**

* * *

For the past two years, I've routinely gone through every available book and scroll on sealing in the library, and I _still_ haven't found anything on the ritual that presumably brought us into this universe.

The image is seared into my brain: a circular spiral with three and a half turns, overlaid with a three-pointed star. Each of us on a separate corner. The lingering feeling of _energy_ in the air, which I now recognize as chakra.

All I've learned from my research was that it was some sort of chakra intensive spiritual ritual, and _that_ didn't tell me anything I didn't already know.

As an Academy student, I didn't have access to many scrolls in the library. Not the ones I needed, anyway. Most of the information available to me was on the basics, and I'd like to think that, after two years, I've gotten a decent handle on interpreting basic seals.

But now that I have a forehead protector, there's a whole new section of the library available to me, and I can start my search once more.

"Ah, Noriko-chan!"

I look up to see Yuuto, the librarian, approach my desk. He has a soft smile on his face as he walks up. "Where are your friends?"

"They're busy," I say. Research isn't Ume or Kazu's area of expertise. Or motivation. If I had to guess, they're probably out practicing ninjutsu, or sparring. Or looking for Team Gai.

Yuuto nods and looks over the pile of new reading material spread out across the desk.

"Sealing again?"

"Yes, sir," I nod. "It's interesting."

"You'll always be following that rabbit hole," he remarks fondly. "Sealing is truly is limitless, you know —"

Oh, here we go again.

I start to tune out Yuuto's ten-minute lecture on the incredible wonders of _fuuinjutsu_ , how it can let even a civilian like himself perform basic chakra tasks, how _I've met the great Jiraiya-sama once, have you heard of him, he helped design some of the security seals around the shelves you know!_

Oh, I know. I know _all_ about those security seals, and how they're standing in my way.

He rambles on, and every few words or so I nod just so he doesn't start over. Eventually, he laughs and pats me on the shoulder.

"Keep up your studies, Noriko," he says. "It's lovely to see a ninja who uses _all_ their resources."

"Uh, thanks, Yuuto-san," I reply, trying not to seem too annoyed. "Have a nice day."

He scampers off, and I _finally_ can start digging through the information. I turn to the shelves and roll up my sleeves.

Research mainly consists of me taking the most advanced text I can find and skimming for something that might be useful, like say, spiral-shaped seals. Once I find something, I read whatever's around it and look up any terms I don't know. Which is a lot, because the art of sealing is complex and rare.

At this point, though, I have a general direction to go in. I pick out books and scrolls that focus on rituals used nature, rather than the more commonplace ink-and-paper seals. The topic filters out a lot, but there's a lot of literature to get through, and most of it is redundant.

It takes me three hours of research to get nowhere. After a few minutes of blankly staring at the pages, I realize I've hit the limits of my attention span. Tiredly, I scoop up all the scrolls and start returning them to the shelves.

Yuuto waves at me on the way out, and I resist the urge to sigh.

* * *

Three months of sparring and D-ranks later, Kakashi drops our second C-rank into our laps without any prompting on our part. When I ask why, he shrugs and again tells me to thank Ume.

Ume makes a face at the words. Kazu frowns like an old man. Despite their nerves, we complete our delivery without any enemy encounters.

When we step out of the Hokage Tower after the mission, I glance over at Ume, her eyes hidden behind her bangs. She fiddles with the edge of her sleeve, her lips pressed tight. Kazuki has a weary slant to his shoulders, and the whole atmosphere is rather subdued. I'm not sure why, because we're one step closer to promotion.

"So, that wasn't so bad," I say, attempting to lighten the mood.

"No, it wasn't," Kazu agrees, slowly working through the words. "That… wasn't bad. At all."

"We'll make a ninja of you yet," I tease, swinging an arm around his shoulder.

Kazu scoffs and shoves me off.

"What did you think, Ume?" I ask, turning to my other teammate.

She blinks and takes in the question. "I guess it went smoothly," she says quietly, and she turns to look up at Kakashi.

Kakashi, after giving us a quick once over, shrugs. He brushes past us, pulls out his porn, and walks off, slouching.

"So, the usual time tomorrow, then?" I call out as he leaves.

"Why not?" He answers. He waves his hand in a casual farewell, all without looking back.

Ume sighs, watching Kakashi walk away. "That was a smooth mission. We could have avoided the first one if we'd just waited."

"Hey, I already apologized for my impatience."

"I don't know," Kazu says. "This one felt normal. The first one, though…"

"Are you still going on about that?" I ask, and I cross my arms. "We've established that he's a troll. _He's messing with us."_

"He's a troll who cares about his team," Kazu corrects me. "He wouldn't put his fresh genin in that position without a reason."

"Maybe we're just that good," I say, only half-joking.

Kazu turns away. "Ha. Hilarious."

"Plus, he's more of the 'trial by fire' type, anyway," I remind him. "When was the last time he gave an _actual_ lesson? That wasn't just sparring?"

Kazu sighs. "... Never."

"Exactly," I say. "It was probably one of his awkward lesson plans. The fact that we got attacked was just unfortunate."

Ume winces.

"Now all we need is either one more of these, or," I think for a moment, doing the math in my head, "another one-hundred and sixty-three D-ranks. And then we meet the minimum requirements for the Chuunin Exams."

Kazu rubs the forehead protector tied around his arm and nods.

"Do you really think it's enough, though?" Ume asks. "Like, sure. We'd be qualified. But are we _qualified?"_

"'You miss one-hundred percent of the shots you don't take'," I quote. "It's do or die."

Ume looks up at the sky. "I don't think we'd _die_ if we fail the Chuunin Exams."

"Do _you_ want to see the fallout of Team Seven _not_ being Team Seven?"

Ume turns away.

God, the ripples of Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura getting a _different sensei_ is equal parts fascinating and terrifying. Fascinating, because — who would they become? How will the story change? — and terrifying because that would render _any_ remaining advantage we have in this world moot. Bad enough we changed Team Gai's class rankings, who knows what nonsense would happen if the _protagonist's_ storyline gets derailed. I'm not planning to stick around long-term, but if I _have_ to, I'd rather not give up the knowledge of the future that could keep me alive until I go home.

I try to call back the feelings of triumph and excitement and smile at my teammates. "If that's settled, let's celebrate! First successful C-rank, everyone. I could go for some mochi."

I clink around some of the coins in my pocket, our mission pay. It's more ryo than I've ever seen since ending up here. The difference in pay between a D-rank and a C-rank is pretty large.

"Yeah, mochi sounds good," Ume says. She starts heading down the road.

"Where is it again?" Kazu asks, picking up his pace to follow her. "Isn't it by — oh, hey, Lee!"

"Kazuki!"

Ume pauses in her walk. I look up to see a green-clad child bounce up and beam widely at our group. Lee's already started imitating Gai's style of clothing, but he hasn't cut his hair into a bowl cut, yet. Ume, Tenten, and I have a bet on when he'll get around to doing it, and if it happens in the next week, I get a hundred ryo.

"You've returned from your mission!" Lee observes gleefully. "I've landed two hits on Neji and he promised me a spar in revenge! _I_ will be his one true rival!"

Kazu narrows his eyes. "Oh, really?" He says. "I guess we'll have to have another joint training session so we can see who is _really_ better."

Ume and I exchange an amused glance over the interaction. Kakashi tries to dodge those when he can, but it's hard, even for him. Gai alone is a force to be reckoned with, and with Lee following in his footsteps, they're very difficult to ignore.

"Of course," Lee nods, completely serious and with fire in his gaze. He curls his hand into a determined fist and grins. "I will inform my sensei immediately."

The two boys bump fists. I stifle a laugh. Lee salutes us and turns around.

"See you on the training ground, Lee!" Kazu calls out, as Lee sprints away. His orange leg warmers bounce dangerously with every step, and I wonder how much weight is in them right now.

"D'you think I should get weights, too?" Kazu asks as we watch the other boy run off.

"If you really wanna be the 'strongest shinobi', sure," I answer.

He glares at me in response. I guess I wasn't as good at keeping the skeptical sarcasm out of my voice as I needed to be.

Ume sighs and continues walking toward the sweets shop. Kazuki scoffs at me one last time before walking after her.

I shake my head and follow them.

* * *

Kakashi shows up to training three hours late just to give us a fatigued glare. "We're training with Gai at one today," he says. "Apparently."

Kazu smirks. Ume smiles softly.

"Until then, let's take a D-rank."

I nod — another one down, and another one-hundred and sixty-two to go. My quiet satisfaction is short-lived, though.

We end up pulling weeds, _again_ , which is probably Kakashi's subtle revenge because he knows both Ume and I hate bugs. It's stupid, though, because the joint training is _Kazuki's_ fault, so this punishment isn't going where it's supposed to.

I tell Kakashi as much, which leads to another hour of pulling weeds. Ume swats my shoulder in annoyance; I grin back showing as many teeth as I possibly can.

Eventually, though, the humor wears off and I'm left grumbling in the sun. I haven't made any progress on the research front, and I have dirt under my fingernails, and it's hot and I'm sweaty and uncomfortable. We end up finishing our mission a mere fifteen minutes before our scheduled training with Team Gai.

I'm about to walk over to the training ground alongside my team when Kazuki slaps me on the shoulder and hands me some coins.

"Can you get me some lunch?" he asks. "I don't want to be late for training, but I also don't want to pass out from hunger."

I send him a dead-eyed stare, but he's not actually looking at me, so it's ineffective.

"Ooh, me too," Ume says, and she digs out some of her own money from her pocket. "I'm feeling yakisoba."

I shove their money away. "What? We've got like, fifteen minutes!"

"Better hurry, then," she says. She grabs my hand and curls my fingers around her money.

Kakashi tosses a couple of coins in my direction and my hand catches it out of the air before I realize what I'm doing. "I'm sure you can do it, Noriko-chan."

"Et tu, sensei?" I mutter.

"What?"

 _"Fine,"_ I whine. "Hope you're happy."

Kazu doesn't respond, because he's too busy skipping away to try and fail at kicking Neji's ass. Ume giggles at me and follows him.

I frown at Kakashi, who is trailing behind Ume. He has a new _Icha Icha_ book in his hands, one with a green cover. Hm.

He notices my gaze and shoots me a questioning glance.

"Nothing," I answer, because really, it's nothing.

"Every minute you're late is a lap under Gai's instructions," he calls out, slouching away.

I stare after them, feeling the coins in my hand, a little annoyed. For someone who talks big about teamwork, Kakashi sure seems to enjoy singling me out for stupid tasks like this.

I turn around, walking in the direction of the nearest food stand. Then Kakashi's parting threat registers in my brain, and my eyes widen.

I start sprinting.

* * *

The first thing I notice when I arrive at the training ground is two, cheering figures with matching green jumpsuits. The second thing I notice is Kazu and Neji going to town in a spar that looks more like a street brawl. Neji is leading Kazu in circles, and the faint smell of burnt grass lingers in the air. I watch Kazu go for another fireball, but that attack is quickly cut off when Neji steps into his guard and jabs at one of his tenketsu points. Kazu hits the dirt and _rolls_ , but he manages to push himself up and dodge Neji's next attack.

Joint training with Team Gai has taught us a lot of things — like how to take a beating, for example.

Kakashi stands off to the side, reading as usual, and Ume is next to him, cross-legged. She's chatting with Tenten, and I walk over to join them.

"Here's your stupid food," I say. I toss Kakashi's shioyaki-on-a-stick, and he snatches it out of the air without looking. He then proceeds to twirl it around his fingers.

"All this trouble I went to, getting you food, and you won't even eat it?"

He smirks under the mask.

"I bet you have a normal face under that thing," I say, unable to resist cheating. "I bet you have a _mole."_

If he has any reaction at that, it doesn't show. I turn my attention to my teammate.

"Yakisoba line was too long, hope you don't mind fish."

"Thanks, Noriko," she says, taking the offering. "Tenten, you want a bite?"

"Nah, I ate earlier," she says. "Gai-sensei likes packing 'youthful lunches' for us. Lots of nutrients."

If it weren't for the insane endurance training she goes through every day, I might be jealous.

"Ume was just telling me about your C-rank," Tenten says. "It's nice that it went smoothly for you guys! On our C-rank, Lee befriended our client's business rival's kid, nearly started a brawl, and somehow ended a decade-long family feud?"

"Exciting," I comment. "Do you think your sensei is going to give you another one?"

"Probably not for a while," Tenten admits. "He said something about working on teamwork, first. But I'm not sure…" she bites her lip and looks up at the spar.

Neji has Kazu in a brutal looking armlock, not a hair out of place.

"Surrender," Neji demands. He sounds utterly devoid of actual emotion, but something in his posture radiates smugness.

"Fine," Kazu growls. Neji drops him to the ground, and he hits the dirt. I watch as he pushes himself up, eyes blazing.

"I don't know why you bother, you _pretender."_

Tenten sighs. "Might be a while before the teamwork really clicks in."

We watch Kazu wipe dirt off his cheek, but he ends up leaving a smear on his tanned skin. He doesn't bother to respond to Neji's comment, instead electing to join us on the sidelines. I pat his shoulder in sympathy, and he rolls his eyes.

"Sorry about him," Tenten mumbles, as he sits down. "He's… difficult?"

Kazu waves it off. "I'm _aware."_

Ume looks like she's about to speak up in defense of the kid, so I jab her side.

"My turn!" Lee declares. settles into a fighting stance.

Neji scoffs, but readies himself anyway. Gai starts them off, and I watch as Neji commits himself to the offensive. It's all Lee can do to block his attacks, and even then it's not enough.

But every time Neji knocks him down, he gets up. I smile at the sight — Lee's determination really is something to see.

"Your form got sloppy toward the end, there," Kakashi speaks up. When I look up at him, the food I'd gotten for him is gone, and he's twirling an empty stick around his fingers. Figures.

Kazuki sighs at the criticism and looks up to face Kakashi. "Footwork, or blocking?" he asks, rubbing his bruised forearms.

"Hand seals," Kakashi corrects him. "You need to work on the transitions between them."

Kazu slowly forms the sequence of seals and nods.

"Where did you learn that, anyway?" Tenten asks, interested. "Gai-sensei hasn't started _us_ on ninjutsu yet."

"I — read it somewhere," Kazuki says. "We used to go to the library a lot, there's a lot of ninjutsu scrolls."

"Oh, yeah," Tenten nods. "You _lived_ in the library. You three are really inseparable, huh? A lot of us were jealous that you got assigned on the same team. Being friends and all."

I grin to myself, thinking of all the spectacularly failed tests and thrown taijutsu spars. There were times I was tired of being mocked for my awful scores, but if I'm being honest, Ume got the short end of the stick, having to keep her grades up.

"It was _very_ relieving to be on the same team," Ume admits, entirely genuine. "And then with that second test — imagine if we were on separate teams and one of us failed?"

"Awkward," Kazuki mutters. "With the whole roommate thing."

I grimace at the thought. If I had failed, there would have been next to no hope of getting home.

"Luckily, we don't have to worry about that," Ume continues. "Now we can just worry about — um, about being ninja."

Her eyebrows are knitted together in concern, and I follow her gaze to where Lee and Neji are fighting.

Neji kicks Lee's legs out from underneath him, and the green-clad boy hits the dirt face-first. He tries to roll over, but Neji steps on his arms — not enough to break it, but enough to bruise. It's a calculated act of brutality. How Tenten can put up with this is beyond me.

Lee yields, passionately, and Neji's white eyes sweep over those of us on the sidelines, daring someone to volunteer. I quickly look away. Last time I sparred with Neji, I couldn't feel my left arm for two hours.

"Why don't you go, Ume?" Kakashi says, and I breathe out in relief that he didn't choose me.

Ume jumps a little, and she turns a betrayed gaze up at him. "Wha — me?"

"Your taijutsu needs work," he states. "Your wind-ups are obvious."

"Yeah, I know," she murmurs, a nervous expression on her face.

I open my mouth, unable to resist. "Yeah, go spar with _Neji-kun —"_

It's Ume's turn to jab at _my_ side. Then she gets up and walks to her doom. She settles into a fighting stance and meets Neji's eyes with an uncomfortable expression that's just shy of a grimace.

Tenten leans over as Gai starts them off.

"Is she okay?" She asks me, worry in her voice. "Ever since that your first C-rank, she's been kind of quiet?"

"She's... a sensitive soul," I answer, mentally cringing at the word choice. "But. She's been fine."

She hasn't been bothering me since that initial confrontation, at least. Kazu tells me she has nightmares sometimes, but they've been tapering off.

Maybe it's a little cruel of me, but I'm secretly hoping that encounter reminded her why we need to go home. We aren't _meant_ to be here.

Still, I'm glad that she's getting sleep again. I feel bad that I never noticed — even if I am a heavy sleeper, Ume sleeps right next to me. I should have seen something.

Tenten sighs. "Your team is so close," she murmurs, jealous. "It's going to be a while for _us."_

"Yeah, well, we had a head start," I say.

Few things can cement a friendship like getting thrown into a fictional universe.

"You'll be a team in no time," Kazu chimes in. "Shared suffering is a hell of a bonding activity."

Kakashi chuckles. I roll my eyes at him.

Ahead of us, Ume stumbles. Neji takes advantage and throws her down to the ground. I wince — even after he lets up, she's still heaving and gasping for breath. After a moment, she finally pushes herself up on her arms and clumsily gets to her feet.

"I guess that's my cue," I grumble.

"Good luck," Kazuki and Tenten chorus as I stand up.

I pat Ume's shoulder as we pass each other, careful to avoid any of the new bruises she's just received. "Not bad."

It's a genuine compliment — the first time she sparred Neji she didn't last beyond the first move.

"Good luck," she tells me, echoing Kazu's and Tenten's words.

Ha. With the way Neji's eyes narrow in on me, I'm going to need it.

* * *

Joint training ends late. It's Kazuki's fault — he and Lee got into a push-up competition, and the punishment was to climb a tree using only their hands. Somehow, Tenten and Neji got roped into the exercise, and then Kakashi had decided it was 'unfair' that Ume and I didn't have to do it, so then all six of us ended up struggling up the trees.

Ume and I had already understood the basic premise of channeling chakra to our hands so we could stick, but, well. It's not like our upper-body strength was anything spectacular.

"Can't you challenge Lee when the rest of us aren't around?" I whine to Kazuki on the way back to the orphanage. "I'm going to _die_ at training tomorrow. How am I supposed to throw a kunai when my arms are actual butter."

I was already sore from Neji kicking my ass. The climb didn't do _anything_ to help out with that.

"You want to make Chuunin or not?" Kazu snipes back. "We're going to need more than just sparring lessons if we want to get anywhere. The Exams are going to be competitive, I bet."

My eyes drop to the forehead protector tied around his arm. Then I look back at him. Pointedly.

"Are _you_ as smart as a Nara?" Kazu replies, just as pointedly.

I scoff and look away, but I'm unable to counter that remark. Kazu's shoulders settle, and I can feel him taking the victory.

A moment passes. I'm just about to start talking and shift the subject to something more mundane when Ume opens her mouth.

"I don't think we'll be ready for the Chuunin Exams."

"If he doesn't give us another C-rank, we still have three months to cram D-ranks in. We can totally do it," I immediately respond. "One mission in the morning, one in the afternoon, and maybe a couple days where we work extra-hard and squeeze in another. There's leeway. We can qualify."

"I don't think we'll be _ready,"_ Ume emphasizes. "Kazu's right — none of us are _Nara_ -smart. And physically? We can't even keep up with Neji. Sure, we can qualify, but that doesn't mean anything for the actual exam."

"So, what, you just want to give up?" I ask. "We can still try."

"We won't have home-field advantage," Ume insists. "We'll be in _Kumo."_

"So what, it's a little difficult? Our whole _existence_ is difficult."

She grits her teeth, stepping forward. "Nori, people _die_ in these things!" She snaps. "I know you're desperate, but you can't do anything if you're _dead!"_

 _That_ shuts me up.

"I don't care if you still think this 'doesn't matter'," she says, making finger quotes. "I don't want to die because we got ahead of ourselves." She swallows. "I don't want _you_ guys to die."

She hugs her arms close to her chest and looks at the ground. After a moment, I stretch my hand out and gently rest it on her shoulder. Ume stiffens at the contact.

"We should wait," Ume says, pushing my hand off her shoulder. "I know you don't want to mess things up, but I'd rather deal with an AU than go in unprepared."

I open my mouth to protest, but Kazuki beats me to it.

"The next one will be worse, though," Kazuki reminds her. He glances over at me, a wary look in his eyes. "We _really_ don't want to join that one."

Oh, boy. Even if we derail everything and Orochimaru's invasion doesn't happen, Gaara alone is enough to make me hesitate.

"Then we wait two years, I don't care," Ume insists. She looks at me. "It's not worth it."

"Spend another two years like this?" I ask, and part of me shrivels up at the thought.

"It's safer," Ume says, quickly, and I realize that she's been planning this conversation. "We render our knowledge useless, but that just means we have less to hide. We'll be stronger, better prepared."

She has a point. I don't want to admit it, but she has a point.

Her eyes meet mine, dark blue and merciless. "Plus, you're not even halfway through the genin resources on sealing."

Well, ouch.

I bite back the snarky _whose fault is that?_ on the tip of my tongue. Ume's worried, and she has a right to be. But I have a right to _my_ feelings, too.

Is _home_ really too much to ask for?

Kazu shifts uncomfortably, and we exchange a glance. His motivation may be different than mine, but right now we have the same goal. And we can't get there without Ume's cooperation.

"We'll talk it over with sensei," Kazuki says, after a moment.

I make a face at him. _That_ was his solution?

He just shrugs, cagey and dismissive. Every day, he channels more and more Kakashi and I don't even think he realizes it.

Ume takes the concession. Probably because she thinks she can bring Kakashi around to her side. And she's probably right, too — Kazu and I aren't the ones with the silver tongues.

"Assuming, of course, he even nominates us," Kazu adds, a wry tilt to his voice.

"Ugh, don't remind me our fate is in the hands of a troll," I mutter.

"I'm sure he's got his reasons," Kazu says, a faraway look in his eyes.

"The hell's _that_ supposed to mean?"

"I dunno," Kazu shrugs, frowning. He shakes his head and puts his hands in his pockets. "It's just a feeling."

* * *

A few days later, Kakashi gives us one D-rank in the morning before dismissing us early. Ume decides to take a nap; Kazu says he's going to practice taijutsu with Lee.

"Are you sure?" I ask. "We've got free time. We can go to the library."

"My back hurts from carrying all those roof tiles," Ume admits. "And I, um, didn't sleep much last night."

"Oh," I say, awkwardly.

"Sorry, Nori," Kazu says. "Lee and I had this planned for a while. I don't want to skip out — you know what he's like."

"And honestly, I think we'd be a hindrance," Ume adds on, apologetic. "You know a lot more about sealing than us, at this point. You know what you're looking for, right? We don't."

"Yeah, but —" I shut my mouth.

Kazu looks at me expectantly.

 _I'm scared you don't care anymore,_ I almost say, but I bite it back. We've had so many disagreements lately, and yeah, I'm _frustrated_ , but that's a low blow and I know it.

"What if I find something without you?" I say instead.

"Then you keep us updated?" Ume says, narrowing her eyes with suspicion.

We stare each other down for a moment. I break first, shrugging it off.

"I'll see you later, then," I say, turning away.

Ume steps forward. "Nori —"

"Bye!"

I run off before I say something I regret, and Ume and Kazuki let me go without saying anything else.

… I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.

My feet carry me down the familiar road to the library. I duck between buildings, weave between crowds. Before I know it, I'm in front of the Konoha library. I slip in through the library doors, trying to look as inconspicuous as possible. As I enter, I glance around, and when the coast seems clear, I step forward.

"Noriko-chan!"

 _Aw, hell._

I plaster a smile onto my face and wave casually at Yuuto the librarian, just enough to acknowledge his presence. Then I break eye contact and try to increase my walking speed, but I see his trajectory: perfectly aimed to cut me off. I wish it were socially acceptable to leap over the library desks.

"No Ume? Or Kazuki?" He asks, sliding directly into my path, and I'm forced to stop.

"Not today," I admit, and I study Yuuto's face.

He's looking particularly chipper today, all teeth and laughter lines. And his eyes are remarkably focused. I brace myself for another monologue detailing the virtues and intricacies of the sealing arts.

"You're such a studious genin, Noriko-chan," he begins, beaming widely. "And I was rearranging our sealing resources yesterday when I found something that might interest you!"

He brandishes a thick collection of papers stitched together with a leather strap. My eyes zero in on the handwritten scrawl on the first page.

"Really?" I say. It looks like a research journal. The edges are misaligned, and I can see the corners of sticky notes poking out.

"It's an overview of rites and rituals," he says.

I freeze.

"It's a little messy, but there's quite some interesting stuff in here," Yuuto continues, oblivious to the tension I'm feeling. He thumbs through the pages. "There's a lot of archaic seals in here — the large scale ones, before Uzushiogakure started revolutionizing the art of sealing…"

He drones on, another long-winded monologue, but I'm not focusing on his words. Instead, my eyes rake over what little I can see from my position.

"Can I see it?" I blurt out, unable to contain myself. Most modern sealing is small-scale and streamlined, the larger ones having been lost during the fall of Uzushio, but archaic rituals sound _exactly_ like what I should be looking for. I reign in the urge to make grabby hands and stare at the book with wide eyes.

"Of course!" He cheerfully hands over the journal.

I open it immediately. There's a couple different types of handwriting. The main one, written in neat lines across the pages, various others as notes scrawled in the margins. The corners of the pages are wrinkled and dog-eared, suggesting that it's been read a lot. But it smells dusty; it hasn't been read for a while.

"I'll let you get to work," Yuuto says, but the words are distant. I'm already pulling out a chair and flipping through the pages, scanning the illustrations for anything I recognize — and then I stop.

On the bottom of the page, there's a carefully inked drawing of a circular spiral. Three and a half turns. Overlaid with a three-pointed star. My heart pounds in my chest and I lean forward, taking the time to study the words around it.

 _An ancient Fire Country ritual,_ the caption reads. _Common in rural areas, fell out of popularity during the Warring Clans Era._

The next few lines are a bit about the history of the ritual. In a lighter, different scrawl, someone simply, and infuriatingly, wrote the word 'wish'. I don't know how to relate that word to ritual, but my mind is already turning it over in my head, trying to interpret what it means. What I need is context. What I _need_ is to _know what the fuck this thing does_.

Unfortunately for me, the next two pages are missing.

* * *

 **A/N: I spent a couple weeks updating my outline bc Ume's dragging me in a completely different direction. i love her though, it's way more fun this way.**

 **thanks for all the lovely reviews, everyone! i love hearing your thoughts and predictions. happy new year! (and see you next decade!)**


	5. UME: Damned if You Do

**A/N: HEADS UP for some ninja violence and more contemplation of ninja morality.**

 **Also, update: I've finally finalized the outline for this story and thus have updated the tags a little on AO3. Some of you may want to check those out? Point is, I thought this was going to be funnier than it's actually turning out, and this has turned into a mystery-thriller. Hope you enjoy.**

 **NOTE: This is UME's POV!**

* * *

Noriko's news is… alarming, to say the least.

Because yeah. Over the years, I _have_ wondered how we ended up here. And Noriko's never been wrong — we were always going to figure out how it happened, even if that mystery isn't at the top of my list.

I never thought someone would be actively _hiding it,_ though.

"You trust Yuuto-san?" I ask, thinking hard.

We're sitting on a bench on a busy street. It's a Tuesday, which makes it Market Night in Konoha, and all around us civilians rush around, haggling and shouting.

"I trust him not to rip pages out of books," Noriko says, which is a fair assessment. The man's more loyal to the library than the village. He used to like me and Kazu before we stopped joining Nori on her research sprees. Now he just gives us slightly strained smiles and passive aggressive comments.

"Who would have reason to hide it?" Kazu asks lowly. "Do you think — do you think someone summoned _us_ specifically? Is someone _using_ us?"

"The _kids_ did the ritual, though," I remind him. "We were standing in a circle and everything. It looked pretty deliberate."

"Doesn't mean that the kids did it willingly," he counters.

"I feel like we would have been approached if someone wanted _us."_

"Maybe they were making a wish, or something," Noriko muses. "Though I don't know how that results in _this,"_ she says, gesturing to all of us.

I blink, thinking hard. "If that were the case, maybe _we_ stole the pages?" I suggest.

Kazu frowns in thought. "I guess that works," he decides, after a moment. "It would explain why that first page got left behind. Probably didn't need the whole entry, just the instructions or whatever."

Noriko latches onto that explanation. I can already see her loosening up, remembering to breathe. "Okay," she says. "We just gotta find out where they hid it then, right?"

"Oh boy," I mutter. Find the secret hiding places of three orphan nobodies that no one really knew? It'd be easier to get Kakashi's mask off.

"Assuming it's still there," Kazu mutters. "It's been — what, two and a half years?"

Nori makes a strangled noise and gets to her feet to walk around. I elbow Kazu in the side.

 _You're freaking her out._

He shoots me a wild eyed glare. _Her?_ I'm _freaking out,_ he mouths back.

Kazuki and his paranoia, and Noriko and her tunnel vision. It's a wonder we accomplish anything at all.

"Let's just — it's fine, we'll look for it tomorrow," I decide. "And we can rule some places out. It's definitely not in the orphanage."

We've turned over every inch of the place since arriving here. Plus, there's no privacy between preteen orphans. I hid a small bag of hair pins underneath the floorboards once, they were gone within the hour.

"We don't know anything about them," Kazu says, crossing his arms. "Three, quiet, friendless orphans. Where do we even start?"

Both Noriko and Kazuki look at me. I frown, thinking hard. There aren't a lot of resources at our disposal. But… we do have one _big_ one. And it's about time he started pulling his weight.

"Maybe we can knock out two birds with one stone," I muse. "Let's ask sensei for tracking lessons."

* * *

The excuse goes to Kazuki. We decide that he wants to be able to rival Neji in all disciplines. Neji has a tracking advantage with the Byakugan: it's only natural that Kazu wants to train in that area as well.

"Sure, why not," comes Kakashi's reply.

The man pretends not to hear us when we ask him to come just _one hour_ earlier than he usually does, but then caves for our dramatic requests like this. I'm so tired of trying to guess his reasons.

He leads us over a different training ground than our usual one, one without grass or plants. It's all dirt, and I can see scorch marks left behind from someone's training session. Kakashi has us sit down in the dirt, facing him.

On my right, Kazu leans forward, eager for our first _actual_ lesson from the Copy-Nin.

"Tracking by scent is the first step," Kakashi says, pulling off one of his gloves. "Ume, catch."

I grab it out of the air. It's still warm from his body heat, and my face heats up. When I look back, his bare hand is tucked away into a pocket.

"There's your scent sample."

My eyes widen in realization. "Sensei, wait —"

His eye crinkles as he smiles at us. "See ya."

One puff of smoke later, and we're left staring at open air.

"Oh, you've gotta be shitting me," Kazu curses. "I can't believe I actually thought he was going to teach us something."

Nori grimaces. "I guess it's true. Smart people really don't know how to teach."

I lift up Kakashi's glove and sniff it tentatively. It smells like dirty cloth.

"Don't you like, channel chakra to your nose or something?" I say. "That's a thing, right?"

"Okay, but how does that work?" Kazu muses. "Throwing more energy at your olfactory receptors might amplify the signal to your brain, but tracking is more about isolating and recognizing a specific scent… so maybe what we should be doing is making a chakra filter? To cancel out the unnecessary information?"

Noriko rolls her eyes as Kazu rambles on about brain signals and neurons.

I frown at Kakashi's glove. Then I close my eyes and focus on my chakra, imagining it collecting in my nose. Scents filter in: dirty cloth, dry dust, charcoal, the bland soap that the orphanage provides —

"Ugh," I say, rubbing my nose. It feels like it's burning, like I'm about to sneeze but can't. I look around, at the bare dirt and the scorched training grounds, and at Noriko, who takes morning showers. I look back at the glove. "Okay, flooding your nose with chakra is unhelpful."

"Filter, then?" Kazu suggests.

"You're welcome to try," I offer, handing him Kakashi's glove.

He licks his lips before closing his eyes and holding the glove up to his face.

"Smells like dog, sumi ink and ozone," he says after a moment. "That's a good sign, right?"

The dog and the ozone makes sense to me, but — "Sumi ink?"

Nori shrugs, just as confused as I am. "Well, he does a lot of reading?"

* * *

Kazuki describes his filter as 'a thin sieve of chakra in front of your nostrils'. You have to narrow your focus: block out the general scents of the surroundings, and only let in the smaller, more distinct scents. Narrowing the window enough lets you isolate a direction, too. After a couple minutes, Kazu can reliably guess which one of us is holding Kakashi's glove. It takes Nori and I another half hour to figure it out, and by then we'd already corrupted our one pure scent sample.

"We did _not_ think that one through," Noriko sighs.

Kazu scoffs. "No, really?"

Still, the scent of 'dog, sumi ink, and ozone' is a fairly distinctive combination. After a short discussion, we decide to start with the Memorial Stone.

"Because he's definitely been there," Kazu explains, "and if he didn't fly away or something insane like that, we should find a trail."

The trail starts off strong, leading away from the Stone and into the trees around us. As the forest gets thinner, the scent starts to fade away. At some point, it tapers off completely, and the three of us are standing in a clearing with no sign of our asshole sensei.

I sniff the glove again, though at this point, Kakashi's scent has blended in with mine. My face burns, and I quickly shove the glove back into my pocket. Kazuki gives me a curious look.

"He said tracking by scent is step one," I say aloud. "So what's step two?"

Kazuki takes in the question and frowns.

"... Maybe a visual trail?" He suggests. "We're in a forest now, there should be signs."

Noriko points to a broken twig near the forest floor, still green on the inside. "Like that?"

"Good eyes, Nori," I say.

Kazu presses his lips together and leads the way. Once again, the trail gradually gets harder and harder to follow. It takes us two hours, and twice we had to double back because of a false lead. Eventually, though, we end up getting deposited on the other side of the forest, close to the Eastern Gates.

"Huh," I say, seeing Kakashi leaning on a wall, reading his book. "We found him. I guess we _can_ track, after all."

"No thanks to him," Noriko mutters, crossing her arms.

Together, we walk forward and join Kakashi by the wall.

"Hm," he says, his eye flicking up from his book to scan over the three of us. "Hello."

"You _left us,"_ Kazuki complains.

"You found me, didn't you?" He asks, tucking his book away into his vest. He stretches out his bare hand and shoots me an expectant look.

I take the glove out of my pocket and place it in his hand. Our fingertips brush, and I jerk my hand back at the contact.

"We'll get more practice on the road," Kakashi drawls, pulling his glove back onto his hand.

"On the road?" Nori asks. Her eyes widen. "You mean —"

"We're taking another C-rank," he confirms, his eye shifts between the three of us before settling on Kazuki. "You can thank Ume," he adds, the smirk implied in his tone.

I grimace — I don't find it as funny as he does — and look around. My eyes land on the four backpacks by Kakashi's feet.

"What's the mission?" I ask, unable to keep the slight waver out of my voice. Our previous C-rank, the successful one, was quiet, with no disturbances. But I still can't shake the memory of our first mission. My fingers curl as I recall the sticky warmth of the man's blood spilling over my skin. I clasp my hands together to keep them from shaking.

"We're picking up a package from one of our outposts," Kakashi says. "Non-essential, so getting targeted is unlikely."

I breathe.

Kazu looks up at sensei. "Which border?"

"Wind Country," Kakashi clarifies. "Grab a bag. They're standard issue. You can keep them, too."

I pick one up and swing it onto my back. It's light and sturdy, but the fabric isn't very breathable. Still, it's better than the ones we've been using. Noriko claimed she'd bought them from a swap meet a year ago, but there was something in her satisfied grin that made me wonder.

"Why?" Kazu asks, opening it up and skimming through the contents. "We could pack this ourselves."

Kakashi shrugs. "This is faster. We're leaving now."

I frown. "Sensei," I begin, slowly. "How late are we?"

"We were supposed to leave at ten this morning."

"At _ten —"_ Kazu grimaces. "Sensei, it's _one thirty."_

Kakashi grins. "Then I guess we'd better get going," he says. As he turns away, he ruffles Noriko's hair, and she squawks in frustration.

* * *

"I swear, if we fail this C-rank because we were _late,_ I'll — I'll _scribble_ in his _porn."_

I look at Noriko and raise an eyebrow.

"I — I dunno how!" She grumbles in response. "When the new one comes out, I'll vandalize all the copies in the bookstore."

I wince.

She sighs. "...Still workshopping that plan."

"You know it takes two days to get to the border, right?" I ask. "We have some leeway with the schedule."

Noriko doesn't look comforted by the thought. Well, I tried.

Behind us, Kazu and Kakashi speak in low tones. I hear Kazu say the word 'tracking' and I tune them out; it's more training stuff.

"I wonder what the border's like," Noriko says. "Wind Country. That's where Suna is, isn't it?"

"Yep."

"I've never seen a desert," Nori says, wistfully. She looks around at the trees we've been living in for the past two years, and I think of our days from before, back in school. Even then, we were surrounded by trees.

Noriko snaps off a branch as we walk by a bush and swishes the leaves around. "I wanted to travel."

I look over at her and tilt my head. "Thought you wanted to 'find home'."

"It's not really 'travelling' if there's no home to go back to," she counters.

I laugh a little at that. "Poetic."

She grins back at me. I watch her toss the branch back into the bushes.

My smile drops as she looks away. If we pass this C-rank, we'd meet the minimum requirements for the Chuunin Exams. And I know Nori and Kazu are set on it. Based on how things are going, I wouldn't be surprised if Kakashi signs us up as a 'test' of some sort.

I know we can't go if I dig in my heels — I have the advantage in this argument. I just wish we all agreed on _something._

"What would you do?" I ask, watching my words. "If we… make it?"

She doesn't look back, but I can see her shoulders tense up. "Live my life?"

"That's it? No plans?"

" _You're_ the planning person."

"Yeah, but."

I don't know. I don't feel the same desperation Noriko does —I thought she knew what she wanted, and that was what fueled her desire.

"I just want home, Ume." She says. "That's all."

The words make me uncomfortable, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the memory of Noriko stabbing a guy in the face. It scares me that I don't know where she draws her lines. We keep walking. The silence seems tense, although maybe it's just me and my nerves.

It's nearly sunset when Kakashi-sensei asks us to start looking for places to camp in.

"Clear, level ground, with natural windbreaks and hidden from main roads," Kazu recites, channeling our Academy lessons.

We poke around and pick out an open clearing, surrounded by trees and with as few rocks as possible. Kakashi nods approvingly, and we roll out our new sleeping bags.

They're a lot warmer and a lot more comfortable than the ones we'd received for graduating. I look through the bag Kakashi got for us: camping supplies, weapons, first-aid.

I look over at Kakashi.

"These are standard-issue? For _genin?"_ The backpack we were gifted from the Academy only had the bare basics. This pack was twice as full and three times higher quality.

He shrugs.

Smiling, I turn back to my sleeping bag. Guess he does care, after all.

Noriko is on my right. She's already snuggling into her bag, and judging by the vacant expression on her face, she's ready to knock out.

"I'll take the watch for tonight," Sensei offers. "But we're waking up early tomorrow to make up for lost time."

"And whose fault is that?" Noriko mutters, even as she closes her eyes.

Kazu chuckles from his sleeping bag.

"Are you sure you want to take the whole night, sensei?" I ask, looking at the masked man. I blink, reviewing my words. "I mean, not that I don't think you _can,_ it's just, um —"

"It'll be fine, Ume," Kakashi waves it off. "Go to sleep."

I press my lips together. "If you say so..."

I lay back down in my bag. Noriko's soft breathing sounds from my right, rhythmic. She always goes on about going home, but she's adjusted so well, sleeps so peacefully. I hate it.

After a moment, I close my eyes and take a deep breath.

* * *

It's still dark when I jolt out of my dreams, sweating and restless, heart pounding in my chest. Panicked, I sit up and wipe my hands off on my sleeves, desperate to scrub off every last trace of blood.

"Ume."

I snap my eyes over to the source of the voice. Kakashi, kneeling in the dirt next to my sleeping bag.

When I look back at my hands, they're clean. Slick with sweat and nerves, but clean. Embarrassed, I shove them back under my bag and attempt to settle my breathing.

"Um, hi, sensei."

For a moment, we sit there, in the dark. I can barely make him out — can only catch a faint outline of his body. As the silence stretches, an air of awkwardness settles over us.

"Are you okay?" He finally asks.

Despite myself, I laugh at that. But I feel my stomach flip over inside. He's so out of his depth. How can he be so _bad_ at this? One of his students has had regular nightmares for the past few months, and he's only approaching the subject _now._

Kakashi stiffens as I giggle uncontrollably. I try to reassure him properly, but end up wheezing into a full-blown nervous laughter.

I want to say, _no, I'm not okay, what does it fucking look like?_

Instead, I choke down the laughter and call up a decent smile.

"It's fine," I finally manage, once the humor dies down. I stretch the corners of my mouth with careful deliberation. "It's… I'll get over it. I'm fine."

Kakashi nods, gets to his feet, and walks a short distance away. I watch him sit down on a small mound of earth, seemingly satisfied with our short and fruitless conversation.

I wish I'd stuck with Psych instead if switching to Sociology. Maybe I'd be better equipped to deal with… everything.

Or maybe that's just wishful thinking. Maybe Kazu and Noriko are right. This is our world now, and none of it matters in the long run anyway.

* * *

As we get closer to the border, the trees begin to thin out and the air grows ever drier. My lips crack under the heat. Kazu chugs his water desperately. Noriko keeps her mouth resolutely shut and continues to trudge on, but I see her shirt grow wet with sweat.

The only one who appears unaffected is our sensei, which I suppose I should have seen coming.

We walk into the border camp early on our third morning. Nori's relieved to see that we haven't failed and happily accepts the scroll that is our cargo. We stock up on rations and rest for a couple hours, but it's clear that none of us want to stay for too long.

"Deserts are overrated," Nori murmurs as we leave after eating a light lunch. "Too hot. Too dry."

"There was a rating?" I mumble back.

She laughs at that.

Our pace is fast enough that we hit the familiar Fire Country forests by the evening. When we make camp, I volunteer for the night watch. Kakashi looks at me for a little bit, but concedes anyway.

I jump at sounds the whole night, but at least nothing happens.

The next day, after everyone is up and we continue on the journey home, Kakashi-sensei decides it's time to live up to his title and starts sharing his tracking tips.

I try my best to tune in, but my consistent lack of sleep is taking its toll. I zone in and out of the conversation.

"There's scrolls and seals you can use to keep scent samples pure during transport," Kakashi is saying to Kazu, when I manage to focus once more. "But generally, you want to minimize your contact with your samples."

"Do gloves help?" Kazu asks, eyeing Kakashi's gloved hands.

"Depends on the material," Kakashi says. "But my gloves are more for grip and for protecting my knuckles and hands. You'd want to use full gloves over fingerless for tracking, but most ninja don't bother since loss of dexterity is worse than losing a trail. It's usually not worth it."

Kazu flexes his own bare fingers. "Maybe I'll get fingerless gloves, then."

"You can start building up your badass look," Noriko pipes up. Kazu elbows her in the side, and she grins.

"What about the chakra parts of tracking?" Kazu asks eagerly. "You can sense chakra, right?"

"You either can or you can't," Kakashi says plainly. "Well — you can learn how, but that's more of a Chuunin skill, and it will never come naturally."

Well. That's an encouraging sentiment.

"How about _hiding_ a trail?" Nori chimes in. "We learned all those 'step lightly and don't make noise' stuff in the Academy, but what about hiding your scent?"

"Wash your scent away, mask your scent with something stronger, or channel your chakra to your skin." Kakashi lists them off.

Kazu frowns. "Chakra to your skin?"

"Same principle as tree walking."

"So it's like… getting any loose particles that have your scent and having them stick to you so they don't float away," Kazu says slowly. He chews his lip. "I… suppose that makes sense. Okay, I can buy that."

"Being a human magnet. Sounds uncomfortable," Noriko offers.

I make a face. _"That's_ how you want to think of it?"

"Am I wrong?"

"I didn't say that," I protest. "I'm just saying, why would you use that phrase? It sucks."

"But am I wrong."

I roll my eyes at her, and she grins back at me with zero regret.

"Noriko —"

" _NORIKO!"_

She yelps. A brown-haired blur knocks Nori to the ground — _Kazuki,_ my mind registers. A small, silvery object darts through the air, narrowly missing my face.

 _Senbon,_ I think, and my heart races.

I fumble with my weapon pouch, scrambling for a kunai.

 _You or them, Ume,_ Kakashi's voice rings in my head, and I steel myself for the upcoming battle.

I can do this. I _need_ to do this. If I'm going to keep my team together and alive, I need to commit. I curl my fingers around the hilt of my kunai and take in a deliberate breath. Then the phantom memory of blood spilling across my hands sends a chill down my spine, and I nearly drop the kunai.

 _Baby steps, then,_ I think to myself. _Knock them out instead. Process this later._

Mind made up, I turn around, scanning our surroundings for assailants.

But then something stings the side of my neck, and the world tips sideways.

* * *

My eyes snap open, and I immediately try to sit up — only to find that I _can't_. My head spins at the mental effort, and I have to force the bile back down my throat. And everything _hurts_. It's then that I register the cold air and the scent of dirt.

I squint at the blurry figure hovering above me. Shades of forest green and muted blue, and a flash of silver.

"Kakashi-sensei?" I croak out, and I blink at the sound of my voice. The words are slurred and unclear, and vibrations seem to bounce around my skull.

"We were attacked. You've been hit with a mild paralytic," Kakashi tells me. "Unfortunately, you were hit in the windpipe, and it was fast-acting. _Fortunately,_ you're breathing again."

Oh shit. I wasn't _breathing?_

"Nori? Kazu?" I ask. I try to look past sensei's shoulder, but all I see is trees.

Something squeezes my shoulder, and I realize that it's Kakashi's grip. When I look back at his face, his eye is cold and dark.

 _Oh, no._

I try to push myself up again, but either I'm too weak, or Kakashi's grip is too strong.

"I'll _get_ them, Ume," he says, low and serious and _angry,_ and it's the first time I've ever heard him like this. "Don't worry. I don't leave my team behind."

He shifts me around and picks me up, bridal-style. I wish I could enjoy the moment, but instead I throw up.

"Good," Kakashi's voice says. "Get it out of your system."

"I didn't eat it, so that's invalid," I slur, thinking of what Kazu would say. It probably went straight into my bloodstream, through a dart. Senbon. Whatever.

Kakashi holds me steady. I know when we start moving because my head rolls and bangs against his chest, and the sound that crawls out of my throat is the most painful, disgusting thing I've ever produced.

"I know, I know," he says quietly. "But I can't leave you here, and we have to move fast."

My tongue feels thick and chunky in my mouth. "How long was I…?"

"Four minutes."

I swallow nervously. Four minutes is a long time for two genin on their own.

"Who?"

"I intend to find out," he growls. Maybe it's the paralytic, but my blood runs cold at the low tone.

He jumps over something and lands particularly hard. My vision blacks out for a second; a buzz drowns out my hearing.

Once the haze clears, I squint up at Kakashi. My sight is a little clearer, now, less fuzzy at the edges, and I experimentally try to twitch my hand. It takes a second, but I get it to move.

I swallow. The action takes more focus than it should. Hopefully Nori and Kazu are safe — I can't imagine what might happen if one of them got hit by the same thing I did. Nori's fast, and Kazu's smart, and they're not a bad duo. But we've been genin for three months. _This_ is why I didn't want to do the Chuunin Exams.

"Huh?"

I blink up at Kakashi-sensei, who is looking down at me with concern and confusion.

Oh. I didn't think I'd said that last part out loud.

"Um," I say. "I don't think we're ready for the Chuunin Exams?"

Kakashi doesn't break his stride, but he's definitely thinking through what I told him. "... You're not signed up for it," he says, after a pause.

"We could be, if we complete this mission," I point out. "And _they_ want to."

"But _you_ don't."

"We're not ready," I repeat, and I realize: this is my chance to close the door on the Exams without having to have this argument in front of Nori and Kazu. "I mean, we can't even handle our C-ranked missions —"

Kakashi's grip on me tightens, just for a split second, and I cut myself off.

"... What?" I ask, hesitant. His grip is back to normal, as though he'd never tightened it at all. Was that just a phantom feeling, an effect of the paralytic?

"You think the Exams will be like these missions?" Kakashi asks, and the tone is normal.

I bite my lip and stare at him. Somehow, I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope. "We'll be a long way from Konoha, in a foreign ninja village. And we're not the luckiest team."

"... No. We're not."

He leaps over another log and lands. The impact isn't as bad as that first jump, or maybe the effects of the paralytic are already starting to wear off.

"Are you going to sign us up?"

"I wouldn't sign you up for something you can't handle, Ume."

"That's not an answer."

He doesn't reply. Instead, he comes to an abrupt stop in the middle of an open clearing.

"Can you stand?" he asks me.

I twitch my foot and nod when I feel it shift. "I think so."

He gently sets me down. Pins and needles run up my legs, and I nearly fall over, but soon, I'm standing on my own. I lift my feet up and down a few times. It feels stiff, like I'm wearing three pairs of pants, but I can still move.

When I look back over at Kakashi, he's kneeling down next to a broken bush.

I walk over, trying not to stumble. Just as I get close, he stands up, face stone-cold.

"Sensei?"

"This is Kazu's blood," he says.

I freeze. _Kazu's_ blood?

There's a few splotches of red on the ground, not a whole lot, but if he'd gotten hit with the same thing I did, then…

"Did they _take_ him?" I ask. My own voice sounds strange in my ears — high pitched and squeaky, on the verge of breaking.

"No," Kakashi says, and he points out a branch. There's a torn scrap of dark green fabric, deliberately tied around it. "They left him here. He got up under his own power and left a trail."

I perk up, relieved. _Kazu's alive._ "So he shouldn't be too far."

"No. You think you can run?"

I take a couple wobbly steps. "Not as fast as I want to," I admit.

"I'll get them, then," Kakashi decides. "Wait here —"

"What? No!" I clutch his arm before he can disappear, and grimace when he shakes me off, the movement magnified by my own dizziness. "Sensei —"

"You'll be fine, Ume," he says, in the least consoling tone ever. "Get some sleep or something. You need it."

"What if they come back?" My fingernails dig into my palms. "I can't — I wouldn't. I _can't."_

"They won't come back for you. Noriko is carrying the scroll —"

" _Don't leave me alone!"_

I flinch at the volume of my voice, but I don't take it back. Kakashi's been taking the hands-off approach the whole time we've been assigned to him. Can't he see that I need more than just useless words?

Kakashi breathes in, then out, and looks to the sky. After a moment, he turns to me and places both of his hands on my trembling shoulders.

"You're going to be fine, Ume." He states, matter-of-fact. "The paralytic has almost worn off. You're a smart girl, and you're handy with a kunai. _I will come back._ I _don't_ leave teammates behind."

I stare at him.

"And you won't be alone," he promises. "I'll leave you with a summon. He's a very good friend of mine. He'll keep you safe."

"Pakkun?"

He squeezes my shoulder. "... Pakkun."

Shakily, I let out a breath and relax my clenched fists. _"Fine."_

"Good girl," he says, and ruffles up my hair. He turns away, and bites his thumb, and with a puff of smoke, a small pug appears.

"Hey, Boss."

Kakashi pats Pakkun on the head before gesturing to me. "This is Ume. She's my student. Defend her."

With that, he takes off, leaving me alone with the ninken.

Pakkun pads his way over to me and looks me up and down with an appraising eye. "A student, huh? Well, I'm Pakkun. It's nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," I reply, almost on autopilot, but then the conversation starts to register in my head.

Pakkun introduced himself. To me. I'm not supposed to know him.

But I'd mentioned his name to Kakashi's face.

 _Oh shit,_ I think. _Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit._

There's no way sensei didn't notice. He may have had Kazu and Noriko to save, but he _definitely_ noticed.

What am I going to say? My "crush" on Neji only explains so much. It's not going to explain why I know the name of his main summon.

My legs give out beneath me, numb, and my knees hit the dirt. Pakkun worriedly runs up and nudges my hand with his nose.

"You okay, kid?" He asks.

 _I fucked up,_ I think, mentally cursing every decision I've ever made. _All that worry about Kazu and Noriko giving us away, and it's_ me _that ruins it all._

I should have slept last night. I should have kept my mouth shut. I should've, should've, should've.

Pakkun shoves his nose under my hand. I try to blink away the panic.

"I'm fine," I manage to croak out. Maybe if I repeat it enough, the problem will go away. "Everything's gonna be fine."

* * *

 **A/N: akdlkjfadk;fl this could have been updated two weeks ago but then I fell HEADFIRST into The Magnus Archives and it's taken over my life, temporarily. Like, I literally wrote 15k for it in the span of like, two weeks. Which is not normal for me. Ume's been judging me so hard for not finishing her chapter. Would recommend TMA if you like eldritch horror. Would not recommend if you want a happy ending.**

 **but ANYWAY. Shit's happening! The plot! She's kicking down the door and demanding things happen! Who's ready for this disaster rollercoaster?**

 **You can find other D &D content on my tumblr (lazuliquetzal/./tumblr/./com)! I drew art of the trainwreck trio if you're curious about how I imagine them.**

 **((let me know if you catch any weird formatting or typos? i'm trying out a new copy-paste workflow.))**

 **thanks for the lovely reviews and comments, everyone! please know that i appreciate you all. *finger guns***

 **see ya next time!**


End file.
